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Lifestyle

7 Ways to Piss Off a Vegan

This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at Ohio U chapter.

While we choose to “X” out animal-based products from our food selection, there are so many things that make us vegans so, so happy: guacamole, tofu recipes, dairy-free ice cream, Oreos, hummus and many other treats. On the flip side, however, there are many things that drive your average vegan kid up the wall, including:

1. Cross-contamination

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Having your french fries (and other plant-based fried foods) fried in the same fryer that was used to fry chicken and fish? Cringeworthy. When your server at Chipotle grabs your Sofritas with the same tongs she used to grab someone else’s Carnitas? You may or may not cry a bit. As vegans, we want as little to do with food that doesn’t grow from the ground/trees as possible.

2. Over-asked questions

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“Why’d you chose to go vegan?” “What, you’re vegan?” “You know that your diet is bogus, right?” “Isn’t that, like, really hard?” “Aren’t you supposed to just like eat local or something?”

We might as well record ourselves answering each of these questions via Voice Memo, we’d just have to press ‘play.’ It’s not that we don’t appreciate your questions, they’re just way, way over asked. And no, we’re not just supposed to just, like, eat local or something.

3. Stereotyping

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Not all vegans are the stereotypical hipsters working at holistic pharmacies in Williamsburg, New York. We are teachers, students, athletes, journalists — just about every profession under the sun. We’re just regular people who made a different lifestyle choice.

4. Veggie burger inequality

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When shopping for veggie burgers, you find yourself in quite the predicament. For most veggie burger brands, you’ll find that they contain eggs and milk… um, excuse me? Let the vegans play, too.

5. Restaurant politics

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Sure, we’ll enjoy this perfectly boring green salad that offers about enough calories to make you hungry again a good 20 minutes later. Yes, please. While restaurants are great with vegetarian options nowadays, eating vegan can often times be tricky.

6. “I have a friend who is gluten-free, isn’t that the same thing?”

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Nope. Your friend just has to avoid certain foods such as bread and pasta. Some vegans are gluten-free, but many thrive off of whatever carbs they can get their hands on. We simply chose to avoid any kind of food that involve animal-based products.

7. ‘Vegan-friendly’ foods

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Was it really necessary to put parmesan in my hummus? I also thought that this salad dressing was okay to eat, but I just learned that you put a lot of honey in it. Dear god, why would you do that? It tastes horrid. Oh well, just another food off my list.

I'll show you just how clever a plants-only diet can be.