Honestly, not eating gluten isn’t the worst part about being gluten-free. It’s the constant concerned inquiries and uncomfortable situations I find myself in every day. These are just some of the most unreasonable and foolish questions I’ve been asked and situations I’ve gotten myself into all because of a simple allergy.
1. The Absurd Questions I Get From My Friends
Yes, my friend (sorry for exploiting you, Natasha) really did text me this once. No, she wasn’t kidding. When I asked her why later, she said it was because we went to breakfast I didn’t order eggs and she was “wondering why.” Like, you didn’t order cereal but that doesn’t mean you’re allergic to cereal?
2. “Drink A Beer. It Would Be Funny.”
One of my dearest (but clearly not nicest) friends said this to me in a PREGAME (yes, pregame… so I assume she was at least slightly coherent at this point). I’m wondering if she would still be laughing when she was sitting in urgent care with me for hours after I broke out in hives. (P.S. If I were to sacrifice my health by drinking beer, I would choose something better than the warm Natty Light you’re serving up.)
3. Tailgates
Tailgates are dope: the company, the food, the beer… everything rocks! I wish I wasn’t allergic to two out of these three things (I might even go as far to say I’m allergic to 2.5 out of three of these things because I’ll probably only enjoy half the people’s company there).
Anyways, as everyone else drinks beer and eats food surrounded by bread to balance it out, I just casually have to pound mixed drinks without the balance of food — AKA get blackout during the day. Honestly, though, you would wanna blackout too if you were allergic to life, right?
4. When My Mom Gives Me a Gluten-Full Cake For My Birthday
So my 20th birthday rolls around (kind of irrelevant anyways, I know) and I receive a lovely cake from my mother…. but no, not a gluten-free one. Apparently all the gluten-free cakes were “ugly” but “at least my friends could eat it.” Nice!
You gave birth to this gift of a child and 20 years later try to kill her by sending her her allergy! Fully expecting to receive a case of beer on my 21st birthday that I absolutely can’t drink (update to come on March 21).
5. When Restaurants Give Me Free Food That I Fully Cannot Eat
Ah, a classic act of someone trying to be kind and me just having no choice but to deny them. There was one week in specific that I went to Alfie’s far too many times and, as a result, a worker there offered me a free cookie. Do I take it? Do I tell him I can’t eat it? Honestly can’t remember what I decided to do. I felt so bad I blacked it out of my memory. Maybe it’s a sign I should switch up restaurants once in a while.
6. What Does Gluten-Free Taste Like?
I know, I know… I already mentioned dumb questions at the beginning. But this one needed a category of its own because I’m APPALLED that someone, actually, multiple people, could seriously ask this. Just think about it. An apple and a potato are both gluten-free. That’s why they taste exactly alike, right?!?! Point proven: you have a negative IQ if you ask this question.
So there you have it. The struggles and weirdness of being allergic to an ingredient that’s in 75% of food products these days. Shoutout to my friends for asking the most irrational questions and for my mom for not caring if I die on my birthday. Sorry (not really) for exploiting you publicly.