In case you haven’t heard or have been living under a rock, Hillary Clinton is running for president and she’s in it to win it. On the first SNL of the year, she guest-starred as Val the Bartender, pouring drinks for — you guessed it — Hillary Clinton, played by Kate McKinnon. You might be asking what Hill was drinking (or you might just need a drink yourself after watching the last GOP debate), so here are some classy drinks that will get you ready for Hillary:
Crushed Glass Ceiling Margarita
There’s nothing quite as refreshing as a frozen margarita. I made them for the first time with my friends last week and thought to myself, “Why have we never had one before?” This then made me wonder, “Why haven’t we had a female president before?”
To make my version of the frozen margarita, just blend some ice, equal parts tequila, and grapefruit juice, and ½ part orange juice. Garnish with mint.
Equal Parts/Equal Pay Martini
For a long time, bartenders made martinis with unequal parts. But times have changed. Mix equal parts vodka and gin with a dash of vermouth for this egalitarian drink. Now, raise your glass to equality.
Keystone (Pipeline) Light
Just kidding, throw it out. You weren’t sure how you felt about it for a long time: were you for it, were you against it? Now you know. You don’t like it and you want nothing to do with it. I mean, come on, everyone knows that Natty Light is the natural option. For best taste, serve in a Hillary pint glass “made from 100% shattered glass ceilings.”
Not everyone’s heard of this drink — some
politicians people even claim it doesn’t exist. Served over ice, it consists of 1 part Tequila, ½ part lime juice (and any other citrus you like), a dash of hot sauce, and a drizzle of agave. Wait for the ice to melt (like the ice caps in Antartica), then drink. The contrast of hot and cold are sure to be a wake up call.
We all know that this is Hill’s favorite Pilsner. She’s been knocking it back for years. Serve it straight out of its bottle, but before you open it, be sure to use a sharpie and write “La” before Presidente (you know Hillary has to do the same).
Welcome to the White House
AKA Champagne all around. Pop ’em bottles just like Hill will. In fact, we bet she’s already got some stashed in the floorboards of the Oval Office. Serve and toast our new commander in chief.
And some drinks to avoid…
Avoid Fireball, avoid the Bern.
You might see it as “The Drink of the Common Man” and let’s not pretend that he, I mean it hasn’t been an endless source of entertainment. But, the name says it all and brags quite a lot for the content it markets. Frankly, it just doesn’t sit right.
Because that’s what we’ll be doing if Ben Carson gets elected. At least he’s a neurosurgeon; he can fix whatever brain damage we inflict upon ourselves.