As the semester comes to a close we begin to reflect on the year; it was full of thought-provoking lectures, life-long friendships and most importantly, pokey stix. Gumby’s world famous pokey stix (yes that’s “stix” not “sticks”) are a State College staple and arguably one of the best parts of Penn State. Let me guess, you think you know the ins and outs of how to order pokey stix. Well, I’m afraid you’re mistaken because I have some secrets to share. So take a seat, Staters because here comes the most life changing lecture of your life: Pokies 101.
Tip #1: Call In
Tip #1 is to never forget the oh-so satisfying price cut that comes from a phone call rather than an electronic order via OrderUp. By calling, you avoid the never-ending line during late night rush and the dreadful delivery minimum of $3-4 charged by OrderUp. The best part of calling? The secret menu. Yes, it does exist. And yes, it does contain buffalo chicken. Need I say more?
Tip #2: Order Dipping Sauces
The cheesy and calorie-packed pokey stix should most definitely be accompanied by dipping sauces. In fact, there are a possible 10 dipping sauces waiting for your consumption at only $0.79 each! Ranging from bleu cheese to garlic butter to nacho cheese and everything in between, the possibilities are endless.
Tip #3: Sauce vs. Toppings
And as if the sauce didn’t make us excited enough, Gumby’s offers a range of 24 toppings! The variety spans from broccoli to meatballs and from alfredo sauce to teriyaki sauce. But here’s where the hack is: some of the toppings such as garlic, hot and BBQ sauce (all priced at $1.99 as toppings) exist as dipping sauces. If you remember, sauces are $0.79, so I think you know what to do here. Ordering sauce as a sauce seems simple enough, right?
Gif courtesy of giphy.com
Tip #4: Choose Your Meat Wisely
Toppings come at two price points: $1.99 and $2.99. The more expensive of the bunch are your “big meats” like steak, chicken tenders, meatballs, etc. So cue tip #4. If you’re having a carnivorous craving, skip the pricey meats and look to the “smaller meats” such as bacon, sausage, pepperoni or ground beef (which are essentially deconstructed meatballs for half the cost).
Tip #5: Never Forget Discounted Pokeys
As every Gumby’s groupie knows, pokey stix come with many weekly discounts. But the true enthusiast would never forget tip #5: Big Ass Thursdays. Ah Thursdays, the best day of the week because one can order the massive sized pokies stix for only $10.99. Deals start at midnight on Wednesday, so you can spread the pokey love from hump day to Friday while celebrating with leftovers all day long. But let’s be honest, who actually has leftovers?
Photo by Jenna Rosen
Now hold these tips near and dear to your heart, enjoy your pokey stix and always remember: calories never count when you get them for a discount.