There is certainly no shortage of scandals and tragedies circulating throughout the American media from this past year. However, in the midst of all the headlines and reports related to our own country, some of us may tend to neglect the well-being of our favorite island country in the southwestern Pacific Ocean. That’s right, New Zealand, the country that brought us instant coffee and jet packs, is in turmoil, and frankly, I don’t think it has received the media attention it deserves.
You see, the good people of New Zealand have been suffering from a devastatingly low supply of chocolate milk, and it isn’t pretty. The demand is so high that security guards are employed to protect precious bottles of chocolate milk, with bottles being now limited to two bottles per customer. A black market has even emerged with people selling the bottles at extremely marked up prices, some of them selling counterfeit bottles of pseudo-milk.
The New Zealand chocolate milk scandal is alive and upon us (well, the New Zealanders). However, isn’t it only a matter of time before we in the United States face similar circumstances? What can we learn from this tragedy, to ensure that if something of this caliber takes place in our great nation, we will be ready?
The lesson? Hoarding. Buy. in. bulk. And I don’t mean just one case’s worth of food product, I’m talking lifetime supply. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, chocolate milk isn’t the only food that could be making an exit in the near future. To help you out, here are the top food products you need to stock up on before they slowly disappear.
1. Lewis Road Creamery Chocolate Milk
We’re trusting the New Zealanders on this one. If they are willing to wait in 1 hour+ long lines for this stuff, it must be gold. Only problem: the only stores that sell this stuff are in New Zealand. You know you always wanted to travel there anyway- the time is now. 2. Olive Oil
This “liquid gold” might start selling for a lot more now that climate conditions in the Mediterranean have damaged olive crops, resulting in way low oil yields. Prices are supposed to start rising within months. So buy! buy! buy! or say bye bye bye, to this exquisite staple of Mediterranean cuisine.
3. French Toast Crunch
Don’t be fooled, people. While General Mills has recently announced that they are bringing this beloved cereal back due to customer demand, how sure are we it will stay for good? Was anybody forewarned before the cereal was unexpectedly pulled from shelves during the great-toast-crunch-crisis of ’06? The government does what it wants, the only thing you can do is save yourself and create your own supply no one can take away.
It’s an all too familiar story of bad weather damaging crops: in this case, the bad weather in Turkey impacted the harvest of chocolate’s favorite pretentious nut- the hazelnut. The price of hazelnuts has spiked 60% this past year alone, meaning the price of Nutella will soon rise as well to keep up. Get a hold of this stuff now, or face the empty, hazelnut-spread-less existence that lies before you.
5. Cricket Protein Bars
Maybe not as luxurious as the other items on the list, Exo Cricket Protein bars are becoming a huge success. In fact, the demand for these things is so high that the supply is failing to keep up. If you haven’t heard already, insect-based protein is becoming a thing, so get on this trend before everyone else does, and place orders before demand drives prices out of your budget!
Don’t let the chocolate milk crisis of New Zealand 2k14 happen to you. Maintain some integrity and buy your favorite food products now, before their supplies get too low. Join me… or not, because well, you know- more for me.