All Florida State students have extremely busy schedules. We’ve got events, club meetings, chapter for our fraternities and sororities, socials, football games, classes, study groups… the list is never ending. And on top of all of that stuff we still have to remember to eat. Sometimes, to balance our workload, we have to multitask! What does that mean? That we’ve got to eat while we study and study while we eat. And where is the prime study place on campus? You got it. Our trusty ol’ pal, Strozier library.

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Strozier is home to five floors of study-worthy goodness. But, as most frequent stroz-goers are aware, if you want to study in a quiet environment you can forget about doing it on the first three floors. Unless, that is, hearing every fraternity on campus talk about how drunk they got the night before helps you concentrate. But, if you’re like me and need utter and complete silence to study, head for the basement or the top two floors. If you make any kind of noise on those three floors you will get tons of death-glares. All at once.

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But of course, I had to learn that the hard way. Being the smart student I am, I brought loud food to the basement of Strozier library and it is the last time I will ever make such an idiotic decision. Not only did I get several death-glares from about 10 different people, I wasn’t even able to finish my damn food ‘cause the hatred and tension in that room was just overwhelming.

Here are the top five most annoying foods to eat on the quiet floors of Stroz:

1. Apples

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I am a huge fan of apples. I eat those things all the damn time. And yes, sometimes I eat them in the library, I’ll admit to it! It’s the perfect quick breakfast (if you’re running late) or snack, filled with vitamins and fiber, so why wouldn’t I want to eat an apple. The only downside? The extremely loud crunching noise they make when you bite into them. And then when you’re done? Where the hell are you supposed to throw the core? Didn’t think of that when you grabbed it from the fridge, did you?

2. Nature Valley Bars


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These things might as well be renamed to “F***ing Crumbs Everywhere.” Not only do they practically disintegrate when you bite into them, but they are obnoxiously loud. The only way to eat them quietly is if you break off a piece and stick it in your mouth for a whole minute, allowing your saliva to soften it up before you bite, that way there is no loud crunching noise emitting from the bowels of your face.

3. Chips

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I challenge you to open a bag of chips quietly. I DARE YOU.

4. Carrots

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Now, I don’t know why you’d actually eat carrots, like, ever, but in case you’re one of those crazy-dedicated health nuts and are trying to make smart choices, let me just reassure you: this is NOT a smart choice! Especially at the library. I think carrots are the loudest food on this list and there’s no chance you’re going to get away with chewing these suckers quietly.

5. Fast Food

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Fast food is always a great option if you want to piss off EVERYONE WITHIN TWENTY FEET OF YOU. Not only does everything in that McDonald’s bag have a wrapper that will take you five (loud) years to open, the smell is just overwhelming. Why wouldn’t you want to fill the room with the aroma of sweet, fried food? Oh, that’s right. ‘Cause you’re not a jackass.