Lifestyle

21 Thoughts You Have Before, During and After Drunk Eating

By Abbey Fernandez at Vanderbilt University

It’s shoveling scoopfuls of Ben & Jerry’s into your mouth like its a vacuum.

It’s dipping everything and anything into peanut butter because why not experiment?

It’s consuming more pizza slices than you did shots earlier in the night. Who’s counting?

This is drunk eating.

1. This party is fun and all but I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungry in my entire life­ – I better leave.

2. “Why are you leaving so early?” asks your friend who sees you escaping. “I’ve got a really early morning tomorrow I should get to bed.” (Psh more like I have a serious date with an entire pizza.)

3. Feeling kind of pathetic that the only guy I’ll be seeing for the rest of the night is the deliveryman.

4. Actually not really no. “I’m so heartbroken from that pizza,” said no girl ever.

5. Speaking of which, I hate boys. They’re the worst.

6. Should I text my ex to remind him how much I hate him?

7. No, bad idea. Wow I’m really hungry. Why is this Uber driver going so slow?

8. Finally back. Just gotta take off my shoes and earrings and then the feasting can begin.

9. Scooping everything into mouth while some friends come back from their night, mumbles “hi guys” but mouth is too full for it to sound comprehensible.

10. Nothing better than having company as you consume obscene amounts of calories at 3 am.

11. Pizza’s here! Thank god – I was starting to get worried.

12. Pizza’s all gone. Damn, I wish I could make that reappear.

13. As I begin to slowly sober up I’m realizing how much I just consumed… easily a days worth of food in 90 minutes.

14. Phew, good thing I don’t have to be in a  bikini until ­– oh shit, it’s May.

15. I hate my life.

16. But that was so good and so worth it and whoever said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” was smoking crack.

17. Nope you know what – diet starts tomorrow. Yup that’s right, no matter what.

18. Wait tomorrow’s Saturday. Ok diet starts Sunday, yes 100% Sunday.

19. All this thinking about dieting is getting me sleepy… really sleepy. I’ll just use this empty pizza box as a pillow and pass out right he–…

20. -snores-

21. (morning after) All these wrappers can’t be just from me… Except that they are. UGH…

• Drunk Eating Confessions 
• How to Make Less Regrettable Drunk Eating Decisions
• Your Guide to Healthier Drunk Eating