Aziz, if you’re reading this, I love you. I have been your biggest fan since before Parks and Rec, I read your book, I watch all your stand-up, I single-handedly promoted Master of None among millennials — in short, we are meant to be. I direct messaged you on Instagram from the Spoon University account in hopes of us connecting over food, humor and my dog. In case you want to find it in your messages, this is what you should look for:
Hey lil boo, @brookehamroff here from spoon university. I know what a big foodie you are (shout out to that dope carbonara on master of none) and we’d love to share your foodie expertise with our audience. We cater to millennials and college kids who love food and shit, so shoot me an email if you’re down. Also my dog looks just like you. Peace, love dicks on frozen waffles, Brooke
Also, here is a photo of my dog for reference. Dead ringer.
Photo courtesy of Iris Hamroff
As you can tell, Aziz did not respond, he isn’t reading this article, and we aren’t best friends making pasta by day and drinking negronis by night. Regardless, his Instagram account is the highlight of my everyday life because he’s so damn cute, perfect, and more into food than any of those fake foodstagram accounts. Here are a few of my favorites. And, yes, I stalked all the way back to his first posts. #commitment
Juicy Couture
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
That post-show Nutri-Bullet good good.
#TacosAndTuxedos
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
This hashtag is trending.
The Bee’s Knees
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
When his Thanksgiving was sweet as honey and totally shat on yours.
#SpoonTip
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
He heard about using a stone turtle to hack panini-style Cubanos right here, folks.
WE BAQ AT IT
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
There are no words to describe this photo. Just pure, unadulterated, true love.
No Ragrets
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
He knows how to order like a real man. Mommy like.
Don’t Let the Haters Stop You From Doing Your Thang
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail can come in between this guy and his homemade frickin’ pasta.
Treat Yo Self
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
With cake, son. Tastyville.
Pensive Thoughts on a Saturday
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
That kimono, though.
Drake on Cake
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
So hood.
Baby Bugles
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Dem sweatpants.
Lemme See Yo Grill
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Grilling oysters like a BOSS.
Cacio e Pepe
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
#freshpastalife
Twinkie Ride
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
The deepest thoughts.
Same.
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Stars: They’re just like us.
Pimp Cup
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Throw it back, bro.
In Love With Da Coco
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
Fre$h.
Big Ole Chunk o’ Reggiano
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
~candid~
The Best for Last: His Name is Cheese
Photo courtesy of @azizansari on Instagram
This may or may not be the background on my phone. Aziz on a horse. Named Cheese. In a leather jacket. Dreams do come true.