Lifestyle

The 14 Stages of Getting Cereal at Wake Forest’s the Pit, as Told By Nicki Minaj

By georgicarbonewynne at Wake Forest University

Some come to college for an education. Some come to college to wife up. Others, well, they come for the cereal.

That’s right. I’m talking about the endless choices of cereal available to you all day long in the Pit. If there’s any other place besides college where it’s acceptable to eat cereal for every meal of the day, show me to it. Take me to this mecca.

Otherwise, I’ll be posted up in the Pit where breakfast knows no bounds. Here are the 14 stages of getting cereal at the Pit that everyone knows and loves:

1. You’ve somehow finished six plates of lasagna, an omelette, chicken curry, pizza and salad but you still wanna eat.

College is a place to expand your mind. Don’t omit the possibility of expanding your jean size and make sure you get your money’s worth out of your meal swipe.

2. Then you remember that cereal exists.

And your body rejoices.

3. You justify cereal by comparing it to all the other options you could be indulging in at the dessert table.

Cereal is sort of like a healthy dessert. I’m pretty sure there are essential vitamins and minerals in most cereal. I definitely read that somewhere.

4. Then you stop fooling yourself because you’re probably gonna get both anyway.

Whatever. Food is fuel and my brain is the biggest muscle. It’s science, son.

5. You try and convince your friends to get cereal with you.

Surprise. They don’t. Come on, guys. This is a group effort. Pull your weight.

6. So you walk across the Pit solo like a bad bitch who knows what they want.

Drink it in, ladies and gentlemen. You’re about to see the smartest decision I’ve made all day.

7. Then you see a guy already at the cereal station getting plain Cheerios with skim milk.

Some people have absolutely no taste. Getting cereal is clearly a competitive sport that must be taken seriously.

8. You grab your bowl, but now you’re not sure what’s good.

Game-time.

9. So you gotta weigh your options.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Cocoa Puffs? A mix? Either way, I know it’s all generic brand anyway. I’m onto you cafeteria staff. But first, cereal.

10. You prepare for the avalanche of cereal that’s bound to pour out, regardless of whichever cereal you choose.

I’m like the Pokémon master of falling cereal. I can catch it all.

11. However, the milk can make or break this breakfast rendezvous.

Illustrating a fat cow on the whole milk container and a skinny cow on the skim milk doesn’t really make this decision hard for me. I will choose to be a fat cow 10 outta 10 times.

12. Maybe add a nanner?

Nah.

13. When you get back to your table of friends, don’t let anybody tell you that you eat too much cereal.

You don’t need that type of negativity in your life.

14. Enjoy that cereal, you boss bitch. You earned it.

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