Lifestyle

13 Foods Guaranteed to Cockblock You This Valentine’s Day

By Isabel Callaway at Duke University

This is an article for:

• Anyone in a relationship that’s serious enough to mention to your mom, but you only use phrases like “hanging out” and “seeing someone” (but never “hooking up with” – too painful for parents’ innocent ears)
• Generally polite and considerate people who don’t want to offend their dinner companions.

This is not an article for:

• Couples who wear sweats together and laugh at the thought of being careful with what they eat, do, or say in front of each other. Congratulations, but everyone hates you (on February 14th at least).
• Anyone who already has a ticket to Fifty Shades of Grey. Please consume these foods in bulk and with relish.

If you fit into the first category, read on to find out what foods to avoid if you ever want a second, third or maybe even fourth date.

Garlic Bread

You have two options: resist the bread basket or have gum, tick tacks and Listerine close by. You will need all three.

Mozzarella Sticks

A first date on Valentine’s Day is the ONLY unacceptable time for mozzarella sticks. Otherwise, I encourage eating them for your breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and/or late night munchies.

Spaghetti

Only three year olds can get away with looking cute while eating spaghetti.

Cheese Fries

If your Valentine’s date is at a restaurant that serves cheese fries, go ahead and order them – you probably don’t want a second date anyway.

Popcorn

Sharing popcorn at a movie theatre is sweet. Picking kernels out of your teeth all night is not.

Tacos and Burritos

If your date suggests Chipotle, he’s a keeper…just make sure to stick to a bowl.

Spinach and Cilantro

Would you rather: a) Discover a piece of spinach between your front teeth on your bathroom trip on the way out of the restaurant or b) Have your date interrupt your witty banter with, “Um I think you might have something in your teeth”?

Onion Rings

Greasy fingers plus onion breath guarantees you a sexy goodbye side hug.

S’mores

What a creative Valentine’s date! You’re cuddled up next to a crackling fire, eating warm chocolate….and trying to ignore the sticky marshmallow oozing down your face.

Wings and Ribs

Ranch is only sexy if it involves hot boys riding horses.

For more love advice (from most likely single people), check out these articles:

• 9 Chocolate Boxes Guaranteed to Get You to Third Base This Valentine’s Day
• 7 Foods to Get You in the Mood this Valentine’s Day
• 11 Easy 7-Ingredient (Or Less) Desserts to Impress Your Valentine
• 19 Recipes to Get You Laid This Valentine’s Day