Remember when the 2015 fall semester started at the beautiful University of Iowa? The students rushed to the Campus Wellness and Recreation Center (CRWC) to start the school year in a healthy manner, even though they knew it would only last a month.

After getting a nice sweat session in, a smoothie packed with protein, oats, flax, energizer, BCAA, creatine, egg whites and a multi-vitamin is a MUST (Joking. Please don’t be that person). And at $5.00 a pop, well…it’s practically a steal (but you don’t care, you’re charging to it to your UBill).

As students jumped to get their fix at “Tropical Smoothie”, an awkward realization hit when the location that “Tropical Smoothie” was supposed to be at was suddenly occupied by “Power Café.”

Uh huh…

Not to worry, Spoonies! Spoon University presents the ultimate guide of the top 10 smoothies fitted for any occasion. Seriously. We mean ANY occasion.

1. Post work-out


GIF courtesy of

PB Power

Of course, everyone knows the post-work out smoothie ritual designed to refuel your body of the nutrients and energy consumed by the muscles during the workout. PB Power does just that. Packed with protein (whey, peanut butter, yogurt) as well as a fast acting carb (banana), this power smoothie will give you the bulk you need as well as energy you crave after a workout.

Need more proof? Check this out:

Alyse Scaffidi, an official 1st Phorm athlete/trainer and founder of BiteSizedFitness dedicates a full section to post-work out nutrition on her website. The following summarizes her findings:

When you eat protein, your body breaks the nutrient down into amino acid which is used to preserve lean muscle as well as repair damaged tissue due to working out (especially for lifting). Therefore, protein helps prevent muscle loss.

After working out, it is essential to restore the glycogen stores in your body which were being burned up during the workout. Glycogen is how the body stores extra carbohydrates so that it has energy during intense periods of working out. A person needs to eat simple carbohydrates after a workout to restore glycogen stores as well as create an insulin spike. Insulin helps to build muscle because it is an anabolic hormone. The other benefit of an insulin spike is that it increases blood flow and delivers higher amounts of nutrients to the muscles.

Enough science jargon, let’s move on.

Spoon Tip: Add spinach and/or kale and ask for no sweetener to make it a “green” smoothie.

2. Hangover


GIF courtesy of

Kale Yeah

Surprise, Surprise…you’re hungover! (Hint: We’re not surprised at all. Come on Hawkeyes, get it together). Also, surprise, surprise, you have to be at work in an hour for a full day of refereeing that Little League baseball tournament you thought would look so good on a resume.


Well look at you now.

Good thing is, Power Café has just what you need to keep that awesome volunteer experience front and center on your resume. And when future employers call your references to ask about the Little League experience, they will have nothing but awesome things to say about you because Kale Yeah has got you covered.

Let’s unpack this perfect hangover cure.

Kale Yeah ingredients:
Ginger – Known to soothe upset stomachs. Remember mom’s old trick of drinking ginger ale when you had the flu? This is just like that…except you don’t have the flu…you’re hungover AF.

Kale – Aids in detox (get all that nasty stuff out of you) and alkalinity (a solution to neutralize acids).

Yogurt – Easy on your stomach and filled with potassium, which can calm down the gross bloat-y feeling. Also, a hangover means your body is extremely dehydrated so it may be hard to maintain a decent blood sugar balance. Yogurt is packed with proteins and carbs that can stabilize your blood sugar and fight nausea while filling your stomach.

Pineapple – Some swear on eating pineapple or drinking pineapple juice when hungover because it contains the necessary simple/natural sugars that can help break down any alcohol left in your system.

Spoon Tip: Replace with a banana if you believe the citrus fruit will send you to the bathroom.

Orange Juice – Get that good ol’ Vitamin C. Everyone feels healthy AF drinking orange juice…maybe that mentality will cure the hangover blues.

3. Break-up


GIF courtesy of

Chocolate Nut

After you’re done hitting the gym during your “post-break up, I’m going to get hot again” phase, stop by the Power Café and pick up a Chocolate Nut smoothie. All the goodness of a power post work-out smoothie mixed with the comforting arms of dark-chocolate because let’s be honest, you’re going to need it.

Spoon Tip: Ask for extra chocolate. When they try to charge you extra, cry and ask them why the world is so against you. Then proceed to pull out your tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream from your backpack and keep crying whilst eating. Trust me, this stuff works.

4. Fired


GIF courtesy of

Sun Up

Lost your job? Pretend you’re drinking the delicious flavors of mango, strawberry, pineapple and OJ out of one of those fancy glasses with a mini pink umbrella in it. You didn’t really get fired, you’re boss sent you on a business trip to paradise and you’re soaking up the sun…ahhhhh. Snow? What snow? Don’t open your eyes…remember, you’re in paradise.

5. 4/20


GIF courtesy of

Pineapple Express


6. When you’re trying to be healthy but don’t want to eat that month old Trail Mix packet in your backpack from the last time you tried to be healthy…


GIF courtesy of

Trail Mix

All the goodness of “D*mn I ate some Trail Mix today!” without all the badness of “D*mn…I ate some Trail Mix today…”

7. When you want a “Green Smoothie” to make everyone think you’re on some serious health stuff…without any vegetables because vegetables are gross.


GIF courtesy of

Green Monster

Banana, kiwi, avocado. Just tell everyone its spinach while simultaneously offering personal tips in the area of “health” to random strangers on the street.

8. When you want to pay $5.00 for something you can easily make at home.


GIF courtesy of

The Gorilla

Banana. Yogurt. That’s it. No, that’s honestly it.

9. When you just got done visiting your weird relatives in Texas and have that nice Southern accent going.

Say it out loud while kickin’ that dust off your boots and tippin’ your hat to the purty lady over yonder.

10. When you’re too lazy to spread peanut butter and jelly on bread…


Courtesy of

PB + J

…and this is what life has come to.

There you have it my friends. Now, get out there and show the other schools how we drink…smoothies. While you’re at it, try the MOJO GOJO smoothie. I’ve always wondered how carrots would taste in a smoothie.