Marathon drinking is perhaps the toughest journey you’ll ever embark upon in your college years. Drinking from sun-up to sun-down isn’t something you should do often, but are likely to encounter during homecoming or house cup season. Waking up at 7 p.m. with a fuzzy memory, a hangover and realizing you missed the whole party is the biggest rookie mistake you can make. In order to survive the whole day, you’ll need a very particular set of tools which we’ve acquired over an illustrious career of poor decision-making.
Morning
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Eat
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Oatmeal, sausages, whole wheat toast with avocados and (lots of) water. The oatmeal and whole wheat toast are full of water-soluble fibers, meaning they’ll stick around in your stomach longer. Meanwhile, the avocado and sausages come packed with tons of healthy fats which will slow down the absorption of alcohol. You’re not Usain Bolt. This is a marathon and not a sprint.
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Drink
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“Beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer your in the clear.” The age old saying we’ve all heard is a complete lie when you’re trying to last all day. Drinking beer or cooler equivalents is a better choice for day drinking. Firing back one shot takes all of five seconds, while you can steadily drink at a beer per hour rate no problem. That kid in the corner with the half-empty quart is laughing at you at 10 a.m., but you’ll be the one standing come noon.
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Afternoon
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Hydrate
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Eat something, anything, as long as you get something in you. Drink a Gatorade and keep it up with the water. Despite common practice, water never has and never will sober you up. What water will do is help you stay hydrated aiding in your ability to function as a normal human being the next day (you’ll thank yourself later). The Gatorade helps you replenish some of the electrolytes that are being lost while you drink, also aiding in the next day hangover reduction. You’re welcome.
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Drink
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Pace yourself, see how you’re feeling, but stick to the beer or the coolers. Try to set a one water to one drink ratio. The key here is to maintain. You’re not the living embodiment of Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover. All you’re trying to do is maintain the same level of drunken bliss.
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Night
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Drink
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This is your moment, you’ve made it to the night. Now you can order that shot that’s been calling out to you all day. You’ve only got another few hours, so make the most of them. This being said, do not pass out. Missing this part of the night is just as bad as missing the entire day. Live it up, buy a few drinks and push as hard as you can. This is your time, now get out there and take it.
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Post-Bar
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Eat
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Don’t try and kid yourself here, you’re going to McDonald’s or the greasiest pizza place you can find. Don’t bother fighting it.
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Drink
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If you’ve followed the 1:1 model of alcohol to water, you’ve set yourself up for success. If you haven’t been following this model, you’ve most likely passed out or have dug yourself into a deep trench for tomorrow. We’ll send kind thoughts your way.
For those of you who have been paying attention, down another couple glasses of water, take another multivitamin and finish any remaining Gatorade you have stashed away. Place a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol next to your bed for the morning to come.
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While binge drinking is not good for you, if (when) you do it, the least you can do is be smart about it, be safe and survive the entire day (relatively) unscathed.