In theory, taking a birth control pill sounds simple—just take this itty bitty pill once a day, everyday and you’ll be good, right? I mean, that’s what I thought. Too bad I’m busy, clumsy and sometimes a little frantic, causing things to go a little haywire every now and again.
I guess if you’re a regular person with literally anything else going on in your life, it’s not all that easy. Like what happens if you don’t take it? What happens if you accidentally leave for Mexico or the desert and leave it at home? What happens if you swear you got your doc to refill it but somehow after you wait until the last day and walk ten blocks in the freezing cold to CVS its not actually refilled?
Okay, so maybe some of these have actually happened to me. But… what happens if you drop your birth control pill?
The thoughts that follow:
1. “Oh, sh*t.”
2. “Wait, where did it go?”
3. “Why can’t they make these things neon green?”
4. “Why are they so small?”
5. “I should really Google what happens if I can’t find it.”
6. “Oh, thank god it’s Sunday.”
7. “Wait, okay, focus.”
8. “Ugh, if I do find it, is it actually sanitary to swallow it?”
9. “Do I have a choice?”
10. “I haven’t vacuumed in a while…”
11. “On the plus side, this is way better than that one time I dropped it on SEPTA.”
12. “Or on the beach, for that matter…”
13. “If I just open a new pack and trade in that pill, is that the same thing?”
14. “Where are Naomi Bennet and Addison Montgomery when you need them?”
15. “This is honestly probably the universe telling me to get an IUD.”
16. “Or a chastity belt.”
17. “You just can’t silence Coach Carr’s voice in your head yelling, ‘You will get pregnant, and you will DIE.'”
18. “Great, first I have shaky hands and a short attention span and now I’m going to get pregnant and die.”
19. “OMFG I SEE IT. There’s hope!”
20. “I hope the roomie doesn’t come in here and wonder why I’ve been laying under my bed for 5 minutes now.”
21. “Almost…there…”
22. “YES, GOT IT.”
23. “THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER.”
24. “Thank you universe!”
Whew, close call. The good news is, from now on, every time you drop your birth control on the ground, in the subway crack, in the pool, or out your 300th story window, you’ll be cool, calm, and collected right? Wrong. Good thing that’s next time’s problem.