Two days out from being back in the hospital, and I'm choosing to share my story. It's so important that mental health is discussed, and I have no problem sharing my personal story. Writing this is no easy task either, but if this article helps one person out, that's all that's needed to put a smile on my face.

How did I end up in the hospital?

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Two weeks ago, I was on a FaceTime call with a therapist. I had mentioned to her that I wanted to overdose on my lexapro that I'm no longer on. In that moment, to be quite frank, I gave no sh!ts. The therapist that I was speaking with informed me that I could've gone into an SSRI induced coma via SSRI Syndrome, but I didn't care.... eventually, it got to the point where she told me to go to the hospital. So I did, very early on a Saturday morning with the company of my friend by my side... after we got bagels, of course.

What happened in the hospital?

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When I was transferred to the hospital up in White Plains from the emergency room, I initially went to 4N (short for Four North). My stay there was short since I didn't like it, and I was then transferred back to 5N (short for Five North). In total, I spent 10 days in the hospital... talk about the longest 10 days of my entire life. 

For the most part, I received my meds (including nicotine gum) daily and was fed pretty well; the hospital that I went to served us three meals and two snacks a day. There were groups (aka group therapy), and music blared on the hallway speakers from time to time. We had a day room that served as our living room, where people would get together to play on the two iPads that were available, in addition to using the Wii that was available to us. On the floor, there were three phones for everyone to use. Thankfully none of them were broken like myself, although one of them was very static-y. In the back by my room was a television for people to watch and bond over. Otherwise, there wasn't much to do. Boring, I know.

During the weekdays, I'd meet with my team, which consisted of my doctor and my social worker. What they'd do is discuss how I'm feeling, my progress, my medication, my discharge plan, and my treatment for after the hospital. The current plan is for me to be in therapy twice a week and to follow up regularly with my nurse practitioner, since she manages my meds.

If anyone that I know is reading this article, please know that I'm fine. Don't worry, I'll be ok. My lexapro has gone away somewhere, and may it rest in peace, but I'm no longer in close proximity to it. To the four therapists that I saw before seeing my current therapist.... thank you. I might not have been the best client of yours, and you might've wanted to pull your hair out at times while dealing with me, but thank you.