The gym has the unique ability to bring together all kinds of people for one common purpose: fitness. Although everyone is ultimately there because they want to be healthy, there are lots of different ways to go about it. While the gym’s environment is diverse, you can always count on seeing these 12 types of people:
1. The Procrastilifter
The Procrastilifter is the master of looking busy while doing nothing. This is the person who sits on a machine scrolling through their phone, presumably texting or snapchatting their workout, instead of actually using the machine they’re hogging the way it’s intended to be used (i.e. exercise). The Procrastilifter can also be found at the water fountain, or flexing in front of the mirror.
2. The Division IV Athlete
This person spends so much time training that they may as well be a collegiate athlete. You probably see them every time you go to the gym. The DIV Athlete tends to be particularly active in one sport, like basketball. However, some enjoy participating in a wide range of club or intramural sports.
3. The Cardio Kid
The Cardio Kid will do anything and everything they can to boost their heartbeat. This is the person sweating buckets on the treadmill, bike, or elliptical. You’ll never see them in the weight room, and you’re not really sure where they’re getting their energy from, but their intensity is admirable.
4. The Beefcake
Unlike The Cardio Kid, The Beefcake #liftsheavy. This type probably eats steak for breakfast and hero worships Arnold Schwarzenegger. They look more Hulk than human, and it’s not unusual to see them with a BlenderBottle in hand. The Beefcake can be an intimidating presence, but their social media account is usually quite motivational.
5. The Resolutioner
Resolutioners are part of the gym’s population that surfaces from the months of January to February (March, if they’re ambitious) and then retreat for the remainder of the year. You may vaguely recognize The Resolutioner from Spanish class, but otherwise they seemingly materialize out of nowhere the first week back from winter break. Suddenly, every machine will be occupied at all times of the day, not just the peak hours of 4 to 7 pm. The best plan of action is to let time run its course for this one.
6. The Rookie
The Rookie is new to the scene. They are recognizable by their confused and/or fearful look, and may bring a friend for support. The Rookie has a tendency to misuse the exercise equipment. Other gym-goers do not judge them nearly as much as they think they are being judged. There is often some overlap seen between The Rookie and The Resolutioner.
7. The Elle Woods
They’re listening to music, studying for a quiz, and logging a 7.5 treadmill speed all at the same time. Like its Legally Blonde namesake, The Elle Woods has mastered the art of multitasking, and you kind of wish they would do less.
8. The Night Owl
The Night Owl exercises exclusively after dark. They show up when the rest of the world goes to bed, and leave when the gym closes. It’s possible that their schedule is too hectic for them to fit in a workout during the day, or that they simply enjoy the relative solitude of the night shift. Either way, you suspect they are nocturnal.
9. The Squad
The Squad arrives together, works out together, and gets post-workout smoothies together. This type makes a trip to the gym an extension of their social life. You can spot them talking by the water fountain or taking up a large section of the gym’s floor mats. Expect to see pictures of The Squad on each member’s Snapchat.
10. The Fitness Minor
The Fitness Minor takes group exercise classes like it’s their job. Spin may as well be their sixth course. They show up religiously, and no one challenges their front and center spot. They probably bring their signature towel with them, and they actually know what they’re doing.
11. The Human Pretzel
While you struggle to hold a plank, The Human Pretzel contorts itself like a bendy straw on the next mat. They are totally zen as they effortlessly put their leg behind their head. It can be difficult to distinguish one limb from another. They may make you slightly uncomfortable, but mostly you’re just impressed.
12. The Ex-Professor
Running into your EN101 professor from freshman year will never stop being awkward. Avoid at all costs.
Whether you’re a Beefcake or a member of The Squad, keep showing up and keep doing you. The gym truly wouldn’t be the same without you.