What a lot of people don't know about me is that my eating disorder began on December 31st, 2011.
As the New Year rang in, I decided that I wanted to make a change during the upcoming year.
I specifically remember enjoying the lasagna we had catered and feeling guilty, and that is the moment that "changed me." Some part of me wanted to make the change to be healthier, but I mostly wanted to change because I was tired of feeling disgusted. Looking back at pictures from that night I see a beautiful girl staring back at me; disgusting is the last thing I see now.
If I could change anything from this whole experience, I would change the fact that I was ever disgusted with myself in the first place. I would change the fact that I looked at myself in an anything-less-than-positive light. The next day I cried in the gym because of my self-proclaimed "thunder thighs" and wanted nothing more than to sweat as much as I could. I remember coming home and eating so little and feeling so good about myself. This is how I thought I should have felt, erasing the "bad" food I had eaten and punishing myself for the mistakes I had made.
From then on I saw it as a healthy process: Eating less and working out more. To be completely honest, I saw no wrong in what I was doing.
My eating disorder began on December 31st, 2011 and the rest is history. It slowly spiraled out of control into a full eating disorder, but that isn't what I want to talk about today.
I want to urge EACH and every one of you guys not to include a diet in your resolution this year. I want to urge you all NOT to include getting thinner, cutting carbs or even running more into your resolutions as a means of losing weight.
I want to urge you all to make resolutions that help you grow and flourish this upcoming year, instead of changing the body you're in.
This is a time of year where we should be thankful for another year of health and well-being. There is a difference between caring about yourself and holding yourself to standards higher than you can meet.
This year I promise myself I will not comment on physical looks in a negative way, whether that be mine or others. I promise myself I will try and be as positive as I can with my body image and well-being. I promise to accept compliments more, and to be negative less. And I promise to always show myself the love and admiration that I give to others.
I hope this year fills you with what makes your heart soar. I hope you spend it making yourself the happiest you can be in ways more than one. I hope you find the love for yourself you have been searching for and you never forget how precious life is.
For some more information and advice on the non diet approach to New Years resolutions, here are 1, 2 and 3 articles to reassure you to ditch the diet.