The term “no chill” has floated around Buzzfeed and Thought Catalog articles over the past year. Taylor Swift holding a knife from Blank Space is the poster child for this girl: one who overthinks everything, freaks out over details, and is a controlling, Type A maniac.
Girls with no chill can’t bottle their emotions or pretend everything’s “okay” when it’s not. Personally, I’m not Type A nor do I time my texting responses – I’m not even that dramatic of a person. It’s only when I’m involved (or am about to be) in a romantic relationship that my hormones put my no chill gear into overdrive.
I’ve spent too much time waiting for a Facebook message response, debating if a ponytail is more attractive than a messy bun, and overthinking that dreaded period at the end of a text. It’s a common female affliction to have zero chill with a guy, especially if she really likes him.
However, I’m proud of this self-imposed crazy, this urge to care about someone until your own needs are second. I’m a girl with no chill – and that’s okay.
I invest time and energy into a relationship
Today, that is somehow equated with being a pushover or needy. Pre-planning a date or nailing down exact times isn’t unusual; it’s punctual and allows me to have quality time with my SO. “I know a place we can eat tonight” and “I’ll pick you up at seven” are sexy sentences for a girl like me.
Also, my dating habits are a double-edged sword: I love and hate that I care so much about my partner. My emotions have two states: intense or nonexistent, and after I find a suitable guy, I’m 100% in.
This sounds scary and regrettable, but I’d rather drain myself for one meaningful relationship than a bunch of nothings. This way, the “high” of the good memories is unforgettable and worth the pain if a breakup does happen. Truly caring about someone and not being selfish is rare in college, but I think it fulfills you as a human.
I have no chill, but I don’t care. I know the guy that eventually appreciates all the homemade calligraphy cards, random desserts, and handwritten notes is the one. However, even I get annoyed when I constantly mention and fawn over a guy to my girlfriends. “No chill” never shuts up, a loop of STFU and he’s so freaking cute merry-go-rounding in my head.
Biggest Area of No Chill: Communication
Late responses, terse responses, or (*hair-pulling heave*) no responses at all leave me blue and angry. I’m not overreacting when a guy doesn’t respond; I’m reacting as a normal human would to being brushed off. If a partner becomes complacent, what’s the point of dating in the first place?
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to text/Snapchat/Instagram your partner throughout the day (and expect a response). That’s why we’re dating in the first place; your existence and acknowledgment of me make me ecstatic. When my days were being ruined by non-responsive boys, I decided to stop being a doormat. Boyfriend called, issue resolved.
Having no chill leads to a healthier relationship. Problems are out in the open, and the boys respond since they know silence upsets you. If both partners are inattentive, there’s nothing special or exciting anymore. The label of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is just a formality. No chill means you care, which leads to loyalty and passion.
No chill = high expectations for a partner
By “high expectations,” I mean a guy that respects me, shows up on time, cares about his future, and isn’t afraid to label a relationship. Not too hard, right? In college, that combination is impossible to find (I don’t even need a pre-med major or a bombshell guy with dark hair and light eyes.)
I’ve had no long-term relationships, but I’m not horribly miffed – why settle for someone I know won’t work? By society’s standards, a chill girl is unemotional, lets things roll off her back, and is down for anything. I’m a healthy, wild and adventurous, but would I let my boyfriend cheating or having an open relationship “roll off my back?” Hell no.
When did being an easy-going and pleasant girl turn into a desensitized robot that follows the whims of her man? Creating a label for someone who “doesn’t care” is toxic and detrimental to the girls who desperately want to be her. Girls, it’s okay to have realistic expectations and opinions; you can be a beer girl and an independent girlfriend at the same time.
Anna Breslaw from Cosmopolitan said it best: “having needs” was not the same as “needy.” With no chill, you’re not a doormat anymore; you’re a prize.
Agonizing over the opened but not responded-to Snapchat hurts, but I’ll take it over being chill any day. No one is balanced in a relationship; it’s choosing where you give your fucks that matters. I smile like an idiot when talking about him to friends. I use CAPS LOCKS like its Georgia 12 font. Texting delays give me anxiety. However, being chill is simply too dull.