College-aged guys can be really gross sometimes. Think of all the times you’ve gone out to a party and some random guy has grabbed your ass. Think about all the late nights when you were walking home from studying and a car full of guys yelled obscenities at you as they drove by. Yep. Gross.
This isn’t to say that all college-aged guys are sleazy—that’s absolutely not true. But, for the sake of this article, we’re gonna talk about the nasty boys. More specifically, the guys who give the most ridiculous, far-fetched excuses for not wanting to use a condom during sex. I’m calling you out, fellas.
I asked college women across the country to share the crazy, weird, downright dumb excuses that guys have given for not wanting to use a condom. The excuses range from laughable to irritating, and some even make you sit back and think, “… what the actual f#*k.” So what exactly are these excuses?
The Weird, Kind of Nice Guy
“A guy once told me he didn’t want to use one because ‘It’s like a warm, cozy cocoon blanket in there when I don’t have one on.'”
The Lazy Guy
“He literally just flat out said, ‘I don’t want to have to go out and get some.’ Let’s just say that man was an idiot.”
The “Clean” Guy
“I was hooking up with a guy once, and he threw the biggest fit when I told him that he had to wear a condom. He begged me to do it without one because he ‘was clean and everything, no STDs that he knew of.'”
The Whiney Guy
“A guy I hooked up with from Tinder literally whined ‘Baby, please can I take it off?’ the whole time during sex (I didn’t let him, of course). I called him out on it the next day and he said, ‘Sorry, I just haven’t had sex in a long time.’ I told him not to message me again.”
The Macho Guy
“My favorite excuse I’ve gotten from a dude is ‘Condoms just don’t work for me, they’re always too small.'”
The Baby Daddy Guy
“One guy told me that we’d make a pretty cute baby, so it wouldn’t even be that bad.”
The Frat Guy
“This guy I’d been hooking up with sophomore year once told me he ‘drank a shit ton of club soda so we don’t have to worry about pre-cum, and my pull out game is strong,’ like no, that’s not a thing.”
The Lazy Guy 2.0
“He said that he was just sick of using condoms and had decided not to use them anymore.”
The Lucky Guy
“He told me that he never uses them, and he’s been fine so far.”
The Full-of-Shit Guy
“A guy told me once that he would instantly get soft if he put a condom on. I don’t know if that’s ridiculous or not but that’s what he said!”
The “But You’re on the Pill” Guy
“He insisted that he shouldn’t have to wear a condom because I was on the pill. I kicked him out because sex isn’t a one-sided thing that only women are responsible for.”
The Anal Guy
“After arguing about wearing a condom, he tried to convince me to do anal. Bye. Boy.”
The Paranoid Guy
This one is a bit of a twist: “One of my guy friends was on a cruise and he met this girl. They ended up having sex, but he didn’t use a condom because he didn’t want to bring one with him to make it seem like he was expecting to have sex.
I lectured him about not using condoms (especially with strangers!), then anonymously sent him a big box of condoms. He still doesn’t know it was me, but is rather convinced that one of his past partners sent it to him as a way to say she has an STD or something. I wanted to convince him that he should use condoms from now on. My point was proven!”
Guys, please take a hint from this and never use these excuses again. Honestly, you’re going to have a better time in the moment if you just use a condom. You’re also going to have a better time in the long run without an STD or baby, no matter how cute you think it could be.