If you’re anything like how I used to be (and arguably still am), wine intimidates the shit out of you. Sure, you can nod your head and throw around a few fancy words here and there, but you don’t really know what you’re saying.

If we’re being honest with ourselves…

What we think we look like:

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What we actually look like:

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Although we have nothing against classic wine and cheese pairings, let’s drop the act and pair wine with its true partner in crime: junk food.

1. Potato Chips and Champagne

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Champagne’s high acidity and carbonation are an ideal match for the fat and starches in potato chips. Make sure to master the toast, and try to keep the munching noises to a minimum.

2. Cool Ranch Doritos and Rosé

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This pairing, although unexpected, comes together quite nicely. The delicate, floral Rosé cuts through the garlic and spice from the Doritos.

3. Beef Jerky and Syrah

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Syrah pairs best with a slightly sweeter jerky, such as teriyaki or sweet BBQ flavor. The black pepper notes from the Syrah complement the sweet and smoky jerky without overpowering it.

4. Rolos and Port

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It’s no secret that Port pairs brilliantly with chocolate. Caramel, however, is a slightly less known, yet equally delicious pairing for this rich dessert wine. Why not have the best of both worlds?

5. Microwave Popcorn and Oaked Chardonnay

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The acidity from the Chardonnay complements and balances the rich, buttery popcorn. We recommend classic microwavable popcorn (the more butter, the better).

6. BBQ Chips and Pinot Noir

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Whether or not you’re aware, a common ingredient among many brands of BBQ chips is yeast extract. The yeast extract in the chips induces a savory umami flavor that’s an ideal match for an earthy Pinot Noir.

7. French Vanilla Ice Cream and PX Sherry

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While there are many different kinds of Sherry, Pedro Ximénez, or “PX” for short, is a delicious dessert wine which pairs excellently with rich and creamy French vanilla ice cream. If you want to pretend to be classy, top your ice cream with figs, dried fruit, or balsamic glaze.

8. Butterfinger and Chardonnay

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Butterfinger pairs well with Chardonnay for the same reasons that microwave popcorn does. The buttery Chardonnay complements the flaky goodness that is a Butterfinger, while the more subtle oaky and vanilla notes of the wine tie the whole thing together.