People come in all different forms, and so do bagels. This similarity must be why we get along so well, amirite?
The difference between us and bagels is that we humans have to make important life decisions, like what foods to eat and when.
In fact, these decisions mean a lot because they basically define who a person is. Who a person is can then be determined specifically by his or her bagel preference. Don’t believe me? See what type of personality you have based on your bagel choice.
Chocolate Chip: Bad A$$
Chocolate for breakfast? Yeah, that’s right. All the traditionalists and health freaks outwardly hate you, but secretly, they envy you. If you want to be even more rebellious, swap out regular cream cheese (boooooring) for vanilla cream cheese with more chocolate chips — or cream cheese frosting for that matter. Now you’re actually eating dessert for breakfast.
Cinnamon Raisin: Sentimental
The sweet combination reminds you of waking up to delicious, warm, homemade (or frozen) French toast as a child. Plus, the sweet, chewy raisins surprise you like birthday presents, even though you know they’re coming. To maximize this nostalgic vibe, toast your cinnamon bagel, slather it with maple cream cheese, and let those beautiful memories bring you to your happy place. Or just dot some maple syrup on top of the cream cheese for the same effect.
Everything: Indecisive
Let’s be honest, you’re a little indecisive. But who can blame you? Eating a bagel deserves to be taken seriously — as if it could be your last meal (actually, all food deserves to be taken this seriously). Why settle for one flavor when you can have it all?
If you’ve chosen an everything bagel, you’re probably still deciding on which smear to use— regular, chive, veggie, lox. The solution is two words: bagel sandwich. Spread the cream cheese on the bagel and layer it with lettuce, tomato, lox, onions, bacon, or whatever your indecisive self desires. The options are endless.
Plain: Simple
It doesn’t take much to please you. In fact, the pure thought of a bagel brings you joy (as it should). Who needs to bother with all these fancy flavors when a plain bagel is all you need? As for smear, you might not even need one to satisfy you, and I respect that. However, if you feel like branching out, you have a blank canvas to work with, so go for it. Bacon, egg and cheese, anyone?
Pumpernickel: Nonconformist
You like to stand out from the crowd. People may question your decision, asking if your bagel is horribly burnt (yes, the ignorance is real), but that doesn’t bother you. If anything, it makes you proud. Continue this nonconformity with savory, lunch-inspired toppings, such as roast beef or pastrami with mustard. Ignore those people who claim bagels are only for breakfast.
Sesame or Poppy: Traditional
The thought of chocolate chips in your bagel probably makes you cringe. You prefer things the way they were meant to be made, and when the bagels were born in Poland in the 17th century, they were traditionally topped with one of these two seeds. Given that you’re a traditionalist, you’re probably going to stick with regular cream cheese or the classic bagel and lox. There’s a reason these combinations have lasted the test of time.
Whole Wheat: Health-Conscious
The thought of eliminating bagels from your diet makes you want to crawl up into a ball and cry, so you justify it by going for a more nutritious option.
To cut out some of the carbs and calories, you may scrape out the interior of bagel, leaving a nice hollow shell to hold your toppings — like egg whites and avocado, or peanut butter and banana. But then again, if you’re ordering a whole wheat bagel, you’ve probably already hit the gym for the day, so who cares?