“If you didn’t get a rose, please take a moment, and say your goodbyes” – how is it that those words can send my emotions into a million different directions? My favorite boy is going home? Pass the tissues… and the frosting. The catty girl is finally leaving? HAH, pump the tunes, let’s party. The Bachelor franchise has perfected their emotional rollercoaster, and viewers keep coming back season after season to ride again.
To date, 30 seasons of bachelors and bachelorettes have attempted the search for a spouse, but most of these relationships ended within a year after their season aired (don’t get me wrong though, I still have hope for Mr. Higgins). Only 6 of the final roses are still holding couples together, so how is it that every season the love seems so intense and pure?
Much like the short-lived romances on The Bachelor or Bachelorette, these companies threw their hearts into the launches of these foods, only to dump them shortly after. And nothing can explain our feelings about these rough food-breakups better than the past Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants who fought so hard for a final rose.
1. Kelsey Poe & EZ Squirt Colored Ketchup
Photo courtesy of bachelorburnbook.com and x-entertainment.com
Kelsey Poe seemed condescending to the other girls, dramatic around Chris Soules, and narcissistic to viewers. She showed her true colors during the season, and in 2000, Heinz tried to do the same.
With the launch of EZ Squirt colored ketchup, they hoped to somehow enhance the ketchup-eating experience (as if dipping fries wasn’t satisfying enough already). But purple ketchup? Sorry Heinz, in 2006 America voted, and they like their ketchup red. As for Kelsey Poe? The bachelor nation likes her… gone.
2. Jared Haibon & Oreo O’s
Photo courtesy of people.com and buzzfeed.com
In 1997, Post decided that Oreos weren’t doing enough. And how do you surpass being milk’s favorite cookie? Apparently, milk needed a new favorite cereal. The launch of Oreo O’s left kids able to indulge in dessert for breakfast, and our childhood selves praised Post for that blessing.
But, the decade of early-morning sugar highs came to an end with the discontinuation of Oreo O’s, and nothing can explain this crushing disappointment better than Kaitlyn and Jared’s breakup. How could she pick Shawn over such a sweet, sensitive guy? Why would Post give their final rose to Grapenuts instead of, essentially, mini cookies?
I know, I’m sorry for bringing up all of these intense feelings, but there’s a bright side – if you need this cereal back in your life, Oreo O’s are still available for purchase in Korea. Unfortunately, Jared isn’t.
3. Josh Murry & McHotdog
Photo courtesy of baseballamerica.com and resharable.org
McDonald’s and hot dogs. Something about that combination just sounds off, and most McDonald’s consumers agree. Ray Kroc, an establisher of McDonald’s, banned the production hot dogs in his restaurants because their “standard of quality just would not permit that kind of item” (lols at the irony).
McDonald’s should’ve just listened to their McMaster, but still tried and failed to launch the McHotDog years later. Customers couldn’t associate McDonald’s to this baseball-inspired menu item, and according to their split, Andi clearly couldn’t find the connection with her ball-playing fiancé, Josh Murry, either.
With the end of the McHotDog and the bachelorette’s breakup, the outcome is clear – hot dogs should stay in the ball park, and apparently, so should Josh.
4. Ashley S. & Colgate Kitchen Entrees
Photo courtesy of deadshirt.net and buzzfeed.com
How far does outer space extend? What are dreams? Scientists and philosophers can study and attempt to answer these questions, but a few things in life will simply never be explainable.
Don’t believe me? Ponder these: why did Ashley S. find that “onion” tree so fascinating? Why did a toothpaste brand decide to launch a line of frozen food? The world may never know the truth, but what’s certain? Someone at Colgate thought it was a good idea to join the food industry in 1982, but, you guessed it, the public didn’t bite.
#SpoonTip: Not only did their food waste away on the shelves, but their toothpaste sales actually decreased after the launch of Kitchen Entrees. Nice try Colgate, A for effort.
5. Nick Viall & Frito-Lay Wow! Chips
Photo courtesy of eonline.com and ign.com
In 1998, Frito-Lay had the genius idea to promote new, fat-free versions of their most popular chips in order to target more health-conscious consumers. Wow! What a great idea right? For the time period when fat-free was still a new fad, this launch drew in customers.
However, these Wow! Chips had to contain something to maintain flavor, and what did Frito-Lay choose to use? A fat, calorie, and cholesterol-free alternative called olestra that unbeknownst to most chip-eaters, caused severe diarrhea, abdominal cramping, and inhibition of some vitamins and minerals.
Consumers were shocked when after eating, the wrath of olestra would consume them, similar to Andi’s horror when Nick exposed their activities in the fantasy suite. Wow! Frito-Lay really surprised their dieting customers. Wow! Nick definitely dropped a bomb on Andi and her friends and family.
6. Becca Tilley & Burger King Chicken Fries
Photo courtesy of thoughtcatalog.com and fastfoodmenuprices.com
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear Burger King? For many, the restaurant is synonymous to their chicken fries. After their release in 2005, these breaded chicken strips kept customers clucking back. The cook time in preparing the large quantity served per order turned out to be too much of a struggle for the workers, however.
BK dumped the dish in 2012 but due to popular demand, relaunched two years later – much like someone else we know. Becca made it to runner-up-rose-status during Chris’s season, and now? She’s back at it, competing for her new boy Ben’s heart. Will BK finally be able to crank out their chicken fries as fast as their customers are chomping them down? Will Becca eventually put a ring on it? Feeling iffy… but results TBD.
So like all of these failed contestants from the Bachelor or Bachelorette, these products didn’t get the final rose. But, hey, that doesn’t stop these companies from pumping the market full of innovative new food items.