Are you really a college student if you haven’t experienced firsthand the freshman 15? Don’t try to avoid it. Here’s how any student can embrace the inevitable and establish their dominance as a true college student. These tips will equip you with all you need to know to achieve the freshman 15 and beyond (for all of you overachievers out there).
1. Eat food late at night
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First things first: look up your local Domino’s and put their number on speed dial (or learn how you can order via Twitter). Trust me, there’s no better way to plump up than to place a 2 am order for cheesy bread, cinnamon stix and chocolate lava cake.
2. Watch your alcohol consumption
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Three shots? Those are rookie numbers. You’ve gotta amp up your alcohol consumption for maximal weight gain. Or pick an alcohol with a higher calorie content – i.e., no light beer.
3. Join the clean plate club
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Many college dining halls suffer from high volumes of food waste. Evaluate your meal plan and make sure you get your money’s worth. At my school, the cheapest meal plan has students paying more than $200 per week for food and you won’t have the luxury of all-you-can-eat dining after freshman year. If you’re in a similar situation, why not eat enough to compensate for the next three years of not having access to buffet-style dining?
4. Steal food
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You’re full now, but don’t fool yourself. You’ll want something to munch on in five minutes anyway. Stock up using these fool-proof ways to smuggle food out of the dining hall.
5. Check out campus fast food options
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Seriously, we don’t have these dining options to make the campus look nice. Take advantage and eat up.
6. Consider “healthy” alternatives
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Having a salad? There’s no better way to be “healthy” than drenching it in a calorie-dense dressing, plenty of cheese, and a helping of bacon.
7. Make smart choices when you dine off campus
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You’re going off campus which probably means rounding up some friends and paying for an Uber. This is a special experience and you should definitely make the most of it. As a college student, it is your responsibility to do your research and learn how to get your money’s worth out of your Chipotle order.
8. Go to the gym
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A friend once told me that he would dress up in workout clothes and head to the gym… not for exercise, but to stock up on some tasty treats from the gym’s “health food” store. He has the right idea.
9. Use portion control
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Eat every meal like it’s your last. Don’t ask questions, just do it.
10. Take advantage of university resources
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Yes, it may be perfect weather for a scenic walk to class, but we’re also paying the big bucks for buses to run.
11. Stay positive
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Nobody loves shoestring potatoes more than wedge fries. Sometimes it’s important to put things in perspective and remind yourself that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.