1. Edible Spray Paint
Photo courtesy of The Deli Garage
Iggy Azalea once asked our generation an immensely important question: “Can’t you taste this gold?” As long as you’ve got this kitchen essential, you can finally answer her majesty with a resounding “YES!” That’s right—this flashy food accessory gives whatever food you’re serving the appearance of being made entirely of precious metal. After all, just because you are a financially-struggling college student who eats Pizza Rolls for dinner twice a week doesn’t mean you shouldn’t project a façade of luxury whenever possible. You’ll never serve a lackluster (pun intended) meal again.
2. BBQ Brander
Photo courtesy of Thinkgeek
If you’re like most other food-lovers, you’re probably all too familiar with that horrifying, suspicious feeling that someone has swapped their steak with yours. It must’ve happened when you turned your back to grab the A1 out of the fridge! Didn’t your ribeye have better grill marks than this? Was it this well-done before? When it comes to slabs of meat, trust no one.
Finally, we can all breathe a sigh of relief, because science has come up with an invention that will henceforth remove the plague of uncertainty from your dinner (and your week): Hello, BBQ Brander.
As long as your initials are clearly seared into your prime cut of glorious meat, you’ll never have to worry about it getting into the wrong hand—or mouths—again. Vegetarians, never fear! You don’t have to miss out on all the branding fun. Use the BBQ brander on your slab of tofu, or one of those confusing faux-meats.
3. Twirling Spaghetti Fork
Photo courtesy of Hogwild
You may have been taught, at a young and impressionable age, that there are three key utensils with which every meal can be eaten. Dear, innocent child, I am here to tell you that you have been led astray. Until this moment, you have certainly overlooked one vital component of any self-respecting table setting: the obligatory Twirling Spaghetti Fork.
“Now, wait a minute,” you may be thinking, “can’t I just use a normal fork and twirl the pasta myself?” Don’t be absurd! Human wrists were not adequately constructed to carry out such trivial (not to mention exhausting) rotations. Until now, you’ve been sitting down to your grandma’s homemade spaghetti dinners, totally unaware that Granny was really serving up a steaming plate of eternal joint pain. Do yourself a favor and go snag one of these babies before it’s too late. Arthritis is no joke, and obviously, neither is this fork.
4. The Sandwich Toaster
Photo courtesy of GeekAlerts
Imagine this scenario: you are camping in the wilderness with your younger brother. He has been a picky eater since he was a little boy and refuses to eat anything that is not a) toasted and b) a sandwich. His food pyramid consists of paninis, toasted bagels with cream cheese and hamburgers on nicely browned buns. So you, being the great big sibling you are, pack up enough toasty sandwiches for 3 days and hit the woods.
At the end of the third day of camping and sibling bonding, you are ready to head home. But suddenly you realize that you left the lights on in your Subaru and the car battery is completely shot. Your parents can come pick you up in a few hours, but it is lunchtime, and lil’ Johnny is crying for food. If you don’t feed him soon, he will tell your parents what a horrible sibling you are and you’ll definitely end up grounded! You can’t go without TV, or all your friends will mock you for not knowing what happened on the latest episode of Scandal. How do you avoid social suicide?!
Don’t panic, because you’ve remembered to bring the Sandwich Toaster! Quickly, you scavenge up some edible greens, slap ’em onto two slices of leftover multigrain, and stick ’em in the toaster. You quickly hand Johnny the sandwich and he stops crying almost immediately. Yup, I think someone just won the Sibling of the Year Award.
When faced with everyday situations such as that one, how do you not own one already?!
5. The Egg Cuber
Photo courtesy of Eddingtons
I really think this one speaks for itself.