I’m not going to start off this article by enumerating all the ways that alcohol is bad for us. I’ve sat through too many presentations on the effects of that magical juice, and I’m sure you all get the point that alcohol isn’t doing great things for our bodies.
But we are here for four years in this strange universe where binge drinking is not just socially accepted, but socially expected. So what do we do? We partake ‘cause it’s super fun. But we need to counter-act it somehow. Sure, you could just stop eating during the day and fortify yourself with only drunkenly ordered pizza and mozzarella sticks, but that’s no way to live. So in an effort to aid you, my fellow binge drinking friend, I’ve compiled some ways to eat and drink things (besides alcohol) that will hopefully balance out your body and keep your liver from failing before you matriculate.
Let’s talk hydration. Alcohol dehydrates you. You can read a super sciency article here, but the point of the story is that alcohol tells your body to stop making something called ADH, whose job it is to stop you from peeing if you need the water. With some drank in the mix, you keep peeing, a TON. Like, more than usual, and you’re left with no water. So what do we do? Some good old fashioned detoxing.
Potassium, Motherfuckers
Photo by Le Yi (Alice) Zhou
This fun little mineral leaves your body when you pee, which you’re doing a lot of Thursday through Sunday. It’s essential for muscle contraction and cell function. Your heart is muscle, and if it’s not working…well, RIP. But even a weaker heart and undernourished muscles explain why you feel like you physically cannnoooottt move the next day.
Coconut Water
Photo by Le Yi (Alice) Zhou
This magical beverage has tons and tons of potassium and will combat that vicious hangover you have for sure. Not sure which brand to buy? Here’s the lowdown on different brands.
P.S. The chocolate version pretty much tastes like chocolate milk.
Bananas
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Same deal as above. Tons of potassium. Our friends at Penn State hitting you with some knowledge here.
Stop. Eating. Grease.
Photo by Le Yi (Alice) Zhou
Surprising, I know, but you don’t actually want those hash browns. Yeah, they taste magical, but they aren’t going to be a good idea in an hour. Your body is still processing the alcohol, which is, no surprise, all sugar and carbohydrates. It doesn’t need more.
Asparagus
I’m telling you…it’s worth the weird smelling pee. It cleans out the urinary tract, and aids digestion. It has an acid called asparagine that is essential to kidney and intestinal function. Also, if you drizzle it with olive oil and some salt, then bake it for twenty minutes, it honestly tastes like popcorn. Here’s some more ways to cook it.
Protein
Photo by Le Yi (Alice) Zhou
You don’t need more carbs, I promise. Get some protein and you’ll feel better asap. It’ll fill you up while your body is trying to clean itself out.
Detox Tea
Does double duty of hydrating you and pulling out nasty things that are trying to burrow holes in your liver. Ah liver, old friend, why must I work you so hard? Not sorry bout it. It has milk thistle, which doesn’t sound like something I would ever eat, but if it’s in something that tastes like cinnamon I’ll drink it. Also.. Dandelion. Who woulda thunk? Picking those flowers in gym class was like a precursor to them saving your liver in college…. Except not really. Burdock root also shields the liver from toxins. These are all amazing little herbs that want to help your liver make it till Monday.
Will these things help? Yeah, your body will thank you for them. Does that mean you’re NOT gonna eat three bagels and a box of mac and cheese? Probably not. But at least now you know.