Juicing isn’t just pretty colors and feeling like a healthy person. It’s hard work. Blood, sweat, and tears. I applaud people who chose a profession as a juicer. It’s labor intensive. And when push comes to shoving that piece of fruit through the machine, I’m not sure I have it in me to become a seasoned juicer. But, every once in a blue moon, I like to go through this torture. The Office, Michael Scott especially, understands a struggle when it’s real. Kelly has even put herself through this strenuous juicing process.
Juicing is an emotional process. It’s not for the weak-minded and spineless. The stages of juicing are a rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows. And it looks a little something like this:
1. Spark An Idea
Get in a health kick mood and stock up on lots of fruits and veggies. It is key that you actually have no clue what you are doing or why juicing is even good for you.
2. Find Juicer
You already bought fruits and veggies because you were so excited to get right to juicing. However, you failed to get the most important thing: a juicer. Good thing there’s probably one in your parents’ closet!
3. Begin Juicing
Put every fruit and vegetable under the sun in the juicer without rhyme or reason, slowly coming to realize some combos just don’t mix so well. It’s important that you ignore every recipe and tip you had looked up prior to Step 1.
4. Become Juice Master
You finally have juicing down pat, and your juice looks appetizing– not like that orange-brown mixture you had made the first go. You win an award from Alton Brown, and you are ready to sell your pretty-looking products on the streets.
5. Post a Pic on Social Media
This step is vital to the process, because if you didn’t take a picture… did it really happen? Also, act like you are a regular juicer and just can’t live without it.
6. Taste Your Concoction
Phone always eats first, but now it’s your turn. After a small swig, you realize it’s not the flavor you were really looking for. But, you pretend it came out perfectly.
7. Become Upset
Slowly come to the realization as you drink your mediocre-tasting drink that since your juicer took instructions to put together, that puppy is gonna take a long time to take apart and wash. By hand. Because anything that’s worth it isn’t dishwasher safe.
8. Feel Guilty
As your head hangs low while you wash twenty-three parts of the juicer, you start feeling extremely guilty for all the fruit and veggies that are mangled and left over.
9. Eat The Mangled Leftovers
Mama didn’t raise no snob. (Just kidding it’s actually because you are broke and in college and meals just don’t fall from the sky!) You are gonna enjoy those apple rinds covered in celery strings.
10. More Guilt
The washing is done, and you just realized you ate three apples, a bag of spinach, a carton of strawberries, four stalks of celery, an entire pineapple, an orange and a lemon-including the peel. But all this juice gave you a sugar rush, and then a crash, and now you are hungrier than you were before you consumed half the produce department.
11. Let The Sadness Sink In
You got lost in the juice. It is unsustainable for your lifestyle. So, the only logical thing to do is give up, and go to the overpriced juice and smoothie bar you pretend you can afford. Taste professional juicers’ work, and appreciate the struggle they go through day-in and day-out.