Ah, halal food. Pretzels and hot dogs have nothing on a classic white styrofoam tray of chicken over rice–arguably NYC’s best street food. Whether you’re too lazy to cook after a long day, considerably inebriated at 2 a.m., or just looking for a quick, filling, and cheap meal, the Halal Guy in the neon-lighted cart has your back. As the saying goes, not all heroes wear capes.
While they remain nameless to most customers, they still deserve love. So here is a letter of affection to the falafel masters, inspired by an excerpt from Ludwig van Beethoven’s famous love letter to his “Immortal Beloved.” Check it out here, while scarfing down a falafel gyro with extra hot sauce.
Dear Halal Guy,
My angel, my all, my halal.
We will see each other soon; mainly because you stand proud at my corner.
If our hearts were always close together, though, I would grow heavy.
As heavy as my heart, my heart so full of things to say – ah – extra white and barbecue sauce, please.
Stay strong – remain open past three a.m., my sobering savior, my all, as I am your faithful customer
Ah, wherever I am, there you are also, across the city, in neon-lighted carts of joy
Much as you love my money – I love you more –
Oh my – so near! so far!
Is not our connection truly perfect, anonymous and devoted to heavenly falafel?
My thoughts are on you, my Halal Guy, now and then joyfully, then sadly, as my stomach grumbles –
I can live only halal with you or not at all –
No one else can ever possess my stomach – never – never – (until a different craving hits)
Why must my self-control separate me from one I so love
Be calm, only by laziness can we achieve our transaction –
Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – through rain and shine – what longings for $5 dinner.
Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the pizza box I carry past.
Ever nice
Ever rice
Ever delicious
Your faithful Consumer