It’s that time of year again, the die-hards go all out in green morph suits and bleed green beer while the rest of us just hope we can find a green shirt or temporary tattoo last minute. If you’re anything like my mom, you’ll spray paint everyone’s hair green and put shamrock temporary tattoos on random body parts in the middle of the night. To put it into terms of our lives, while we’re in the middle of our college careers, here’s what to wear for your St. Patrick’s Day outfit based on your favorite beer brand.
1. Natural Light: The Life of the Party
Despite its taste resembling what your Brita filter does after you put a bottle of Skol through it a few times, we can all agree that for the price, it gets the job done. Your party-all-the-time-no-matter-what-the-budget attitude deserves a pat on the back and some crazy oversized hat. Whether it gives the Lucky Charms leprechaun a run for his money or you are taken aback by your own Ireland-clad tackiness, you’re a shoe-in for best outfit of the night.
2. Bud Light: The Recycler
You love yourself a little more than the rest of us if you have this one in stock. One of the most common brands on the market, you’re the kind that’s gearing up to throw a laid back darty on a Saturday afternoon that runs into the next morning. Since you’re the kind that expects the best but prepares for the worst, a few beaded necklaces you have left over from Mardi Gras are perfect to avoid getting pinched.
3. Heineken: Downplayed but Effective
If you’re living the high life, Heineken is somewhere in your weekly rotation. Everyone knows your green bottle means your weekend plans consist of relaxing by your apartment complex’s pool when the weather gets above 60 and listening to Mumford & Sons because that’s just what folks with old souls like you do. St. Patrick’s Day is your time to shine because everyone just buys the bottles to fit the theme, but you’ve been true to the brand since day one. Since you like to play things cool, a graphic t-shirt is your leprechaun go-to.
4. Kirkland Light: Blatantly Prepared
The trademark of any frat party, you’re guaranteed to find cases of this in behind the bars of your local Pikes and AEPi’s across the nation. It’s bang for your buck brings brothers together for every deck day and rush week, and is bound to end up in your hands by the end of your college career. Nothing says frat, like a good pair of Chubbies, and all the local pledges will be rocking the green pair they bought with the money they saved by buying Kirkland just for this occasion. Or there’s the other end of the spectrum, the one where there are shirts ripped in half aplenty and painted chests. Looks like those weekend trips to Costco have finally paid off.
5. Coors Light: The Lowkey Fanatic
Anyone whose favorite brand is Coors Light has some obvious respect for their taste buds, which is why it’s your favorite too. The cold activated bottle eases your mind and whisks away all of your warm beer fears. You enjoy casual get-togethers with your mature friends, and you all sit around sipping on a beer you know is cold and enjoy the day. Like your Heineken loving friends, St. Patty’s Day brings out the best in you, as it does in all of us, and this is definitely the time you shine. You let loose and use all the temporary tattoos you bought from the Dollar Store, and some for your friends: one package per person.
6. Guinness: All Out or Not at All
Nothing screams Irish as much as the pride and joy of Ireland itself. The granddaddy of beers, Guinness is the kind of beer you break out for the fancy stuff. If you’re a regular, you know what it means to have quality taste, and what it means to put yourself first. While everyone will be breaking out their green beer to celebrate, you’ll be kicking back and watching the posers. You’re the type to bleed for your heritage, too. That’s why your St. Patrick’s Day outfit will be a full face of green paint or a green morph suit to show your undying pride. You know how to celebrate your day the right way.
7. Anything But Beer: Whatever You Can Find
For the guy or girl reading this and thinking about how much they hate beer: you’re not alone. One wrong night with too many cans of Natty is enough to turn you off from beer forever. You’re under that category of people that would drink liquor anything before a beer, and that’s totally okay. Though you’re careful, you’re also incredibly reckless. You’re the type to forget it’s St. Patrick’s Day and throw on the first bracelet or randomly placed article of clothing that just barely makes your St. Patrick’s day outfit enough to pass the pinching test. As long as you do, no one’s complaining.