We only have two more months of an Obama White House, and though I am going to miss our lovely president, I think I may be more sad to say goodbye to the VP Joe Biden. He is many things, the President of the Senate, an aviator wearer, and a former Senator, but he is also an ice cream connoisseur.
Biden is not shy about his obsession with this frosty treat. In an official speech, he introduced himself with, “My name is Joe Biden, and I love ice cream.” I wish that I had the confidence (and the job security) to begin all of my college presentations like this.
As an ice cream aficionado, I’ve been hoping to learn the tricks of the trade of how to truly cherish ice cream from the master himself. Here is what I discovered.
1. Ice Cream Tastes Best in a Cone
Whether it’s waffle or cake, Joe will never be seen without a cone in hand. Cups are for softies (not literally though, please do not get soft serve in a cup).
2. Explore Your Flavors
Just because you love cookie dough ice cream doesn’t mean you won’t get sick of it at some point. Joe knows that you have to mix it up if you want to eat ice cream every day.
3. No Bite is Ever “Too Big”
As VP, you have to be aspirational in both your policies and your bites. Do not let something so unimportant as physics get in the way of your eating pleasure.
4. Double Fist It
Double fisting is not limited to the clubs. True enjoyment only comes when you can lick both cones at the same time.
5. Keep Your Eye on the Prize
People are going to distract you on your hunt for the perfect scoop. Barack might want to get your opinion on foreign policy, but please remember that your ice cream will melt if you waste your time Googling what Aleppo is.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spend the final two months of this presidency laughing/crying at Obiden memes (while eating ice cream, of course).