There are a few foods that I did not develop a love for until college. For whatever reason, it took me 20 years to discover that I love macaroni and cheese, yogurt, eggs, and pickles. I don’t know why it took me so long considering all of these are fundamental, kid-friendly foods, but it did, and I still have my whole life ahead of me to enjoy them.
BuzzFeed, I mean you no disrespect, but the article that y’all published by Farrah Penn a few days ago was totally outta line. The title is “We Need To Talk About How Fucking Disgusting Pickles Are.” Farrah. Girl. I’ve a bone to pick with you.
Pickles are not disgusting. Pickles are not “food ruiners.” Pickles are dank. Quite frankly, I believe that they are food enhancers. God gave us pickles for many reasons. Farrah, lemme give ya the skinny.
Pickles are NOT “an abomination to chicken sandwiches.”
The holy chicken sandwich is not to be trifled with, I’ll give you that. While I love a plain chicken sandwich on a biscuit or regular bread, a little cheese and a few pickles give it an extra kick. Maybe top that bad boy off with some hot sauce too. A side of pickled okra definitely wouldn’t hurt either.
Pickles DO belong in a fryer.
Potatoes and chicken fingers belong in a fryer, and pickles fit in right next to them. Maybe I’m biased because I go to school down south, and southern food has grown on me a lot, but I think fried pickles are delish. Southerners will always find a way to fry a food. They fry vegetables, Oreos, and even ice cream, so I don’t think it’s weird to fry pickles.
Pickles DO make for a good potato chip flavor.
A few years ago, Frito Lay tested out “Chicken and Waffles” flavored potato chips, and you’re over here disparaging pickle flavored ones? I’m all for mixing it up at any and every meal, but chicken and waffles in and of itself is a little taboo outside of the Deep South, let alone in the form of a potato chip. People eat pickles everywhere, not just the Deep South. I think that makes sense.
Pickle juice drowns out the taste of hard alcohol.
The cheapest of cheap alcohol brands can taste good if you mix them with pickle juice. Yes, that includes Burnett’s. I learned this from a video divulging some easy vodka hacks that Spoon HQ posted on our YouTube page over the summer. I’m a junior in college, and I still can’t drink hard alcohol without pinching my nose or mixing it with soda. I’m also borderline broke and even if I wasn’t, life is too short to spend all your cha-ching on fancy alcohol just because it tastes better. It’s also a good chaser.
Pickles help prevent hangovers.
Pickles are cucumbers soaked in vinegar and salt, therefore they are rich in brine. Brine helps your body build up its electrolytes. Electrolytes help you stay hydrated. Hydration can reduce hangovers.
Pickles help relieve hangovers.
Like I said, they hydrate you. A night of heavy drinking lowers your blood sugar and therefore makes you sluggish and lethargic the next morning. The sodium in pickles and pickle juice will help you reenergize and get back on your feet without having to stumble over en route to the bathroom to puke your brains out.
Pickles ARE a proper snack.
Huh? What? Exqueeze me? I’m down for pickles at any meal. I’m down for pickles as a midday snack. I’m down for pickles as a late night study snack. I’m down for snagging one out of the fridge even if that’s not what I was looking for in the first place. How dareth you take the name of pickles in vain.
Pickles are not the best thing for you, but there are some health benefits.
The USDA claims that pickles contain antioxidants, protein, carbohydrates, dietary fiber, minerals, and natural sugars. Pickles help the digestion process. Pickles are hepatoprotective and protect the lining of your liver. Pickles help prevent ulcers.
Playing devil’s advocate for a second, I’ll cut Farrah a tiny bit of slack when it comes to her take on pickles being mixed with peanut butter. I think that’s kinda nasty, but I suppose the heart wants what it wants.
FYI, Farrah Penn has great content on her BuzzFeed page. I disagree with her pickle article, but it is pretty funny. I have plenty of respect for Farrah Penn, just not her hatred for pickles.
Whatever your favorite brand is—McLure’s, Mt. Olive, Claussen, a local brand—make sure you don’t let ANYONE, not even a popular BuzzFeed writer, tell you that pickles are disgusting. They can’t be trusted.