My birthday was March 28th. I was in my dorm, casually eating some Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins my friend baked for me, and avoiding homework when I suddenly got an email notification to pick up a package from the front desk. It was a white envelope with a large lump in it. I had no idea what it was and immediately burst out laughing when I opened it.
It was a potato that my friends Laura and Julia sent. Although I appreciated it, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. As it turns out, potatoes are a perfect and versatile present. As the day went on, that starchy guy grew to hold a special place in my heart. Here’s what we got up to:
The Party
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
Of course, my small, oddly-shaped friend was invited to my birthday party. He had a little party hat and everything. We went wild, threw confetti, and really got to know each other on a spiritual level.
The Cookies
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
He ordered Insomnia Cookies (AKA the most delicious cookies ever) for me. I had no idea he was even going to get me a gift.
The Sugar Coma
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It was The Sugar Rush which is a pack of 12 traditional cookies. There were Chocolate Chunk, M&M, Sugar, Peanut Butter Chip, Snickerdoodle, Double Chocolate Mint, and White Chocolate Macadamia cookies. We ate half of those cookies in one sitting. I don’t regret it. Those cookies are amazing.
The Netflix and Chilling
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
We even watched Netflix together and bonded over the Office. We laughed; we cried; we became the best of friends.
The Sink
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It was getting quite late, so it was time to say goodnight. My friend took a quick shower.
The Clean Potato
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He was so fresh and so clean. What a beautiful potato. I just couldn’t resist.
The Murder (part 1)
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I then stabbed him several times with a fork. (But I stabbed him lovingly.)
The Murder (part 2)
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Then I microwaved him for five minutes until his insides were nice, mushy, and warm. Doesn’t he look delicious?
The Transformation
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I sliced him wide open with a sharp knife so I could get a peek at his soft insides. He became a baked potato.
The Meal
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Or at least my lazy, low maintenance version of a baked potato. My version only needs a cooked potato and salted butter pats stolen from the caf squished into it. It’s a hybrid between a baked potato and a mashed potato. In my personal opinion, this is the only type of baked potato you need, especially if you live in a dorm.
The End
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He was delicious. 10 out of 10 would become friends with a birthday potato and eat him again.