At Michigan State University as part of the on-campus meal plan, we get a “Combo-X-Change” at Sparty’s or the dining hall every weekday. It is basically an extra meal you can take back home. Every month we also have a super-cool special item on the Combo-X-Change, and this month it happened to be Body Armor drinks.
Body Armor is available nationwide at most retail locations like Target, Jewel-Osco, and Kroger. It’s a sports drink whose website claims that it is a healthier hydration option compared to other sports drinks because it “has more electrolytes, is higher in vitamins and potassium, lower in sodium, contains coconut water and nothing artificial.”
I was extremely excited because these drinks sound awesome. Like I was ready to strap on my Spartan armor and run into battle after drinking this stuff. So naturally, I took almost two weeks worth of my Combo-X-Change to collect all seven flavors of Body Armor to do a taste test and ranking with my friends. The results were interesting…
1. Orange Mango
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“More orangey than mango-y.”
“I don’t mind it.”
“Blah, that’s not like real mango.”
If you’re looking for a mango-flavored drink this is not it. Although this might taste more like watered-down orange juice, it’s not that bad.
2. Mixed Berry
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“This one tastes like a liquid Jolly Rancher to me.”
“It’s like when you melt one of those popsicles.”
“It tastes like a mix of fruit snacks in a drink.”
Want that watery candy taste without the work of actually melting candy in a cup of water? Drink Mixed Berry Body Armor.
3. Fruit Punch
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“This reminds me of fruit punch Hi-C.”
“Are these actually good for your health? Because it’s really sweet.”
“It’s like Gatorade, but not as good.”
I guess these drinks are like Gatorade’s not-so-delicious second cousin. They can give you a good sugar boost throughout the day, but nothing can beat the original sports drink.
4. Tropical Punch
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“It tastes better than it smells. I don’t want to drink the rest of this.”
“It definitely tastes like watered down lime green Gatorade.”
At this point, I was pretty sure that Body Armor drinks are just a fancy way of saying Gatorade with coconut water.
5. Lemon Lime
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“I like how it smells at least.”
“It’s the coconut aftertaste that throws me off.”
“It’s like a bad margarita.”
Apparently this is like a margarita for athletes that won’t get you drunk and doesn’t taste that good. So what’s the point?
6. Grape
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“Grape medicine, but in a good way?”
“It tastes like cough medicine. Oh my god, oh my god, how am I going to get rid of this?!”
“Blah.”
Personally, I love all grape-flavored food, but this tasted like I was chugging watered-down cold medicine.
7. Strawberry Banana
Photo by Maya Giaquinta
“This is really weird. The banana just hits you.”
“This is my least favorite.”
“I don’t think my mouth can handle much more and strawberry banana is usually my favorite.”
This drink may be better just left behind on the shelf.
We were all rather disappointed in this taste test. Body Armor drinks taste like watered-down Gatorade, and nutrition-wise they aren’t that much healthier for you. As far as hydrating goes, I would recommend sticking with plain old water.