Take a guess at just how many pumpkin spice lattes Starbucks has sold over the past decade. The answer — Starbucks has sold over over 200,000,000 of these bad boys since 2003.
Based off this number alone, you may find it hard to believe that people in this world exist who dread fall for one reason: they have an undeniable, insuppressible hatred of pumpkin spice. So let the cast of Parks & Recreation guide you through what fall is like for these people:
When fall rolls around, people go crazy about pumpkin spice
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You would be hard-pressed to walk into any coffee shop or onto any front porch and NOT see a pumpkin or smell cinnamon.
And you’ll try to fit into the crowd, but you have a dirty little secret
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Three-fourths of the year is smooth sailing, but when fall rolls around, it is hard to hide your crazy.
The secret is — you think pumpkin spice sucks
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Unpopular opinion: Pumpkin spice is the worst. Even worse the Jean-Ralphio’s sister Mona Lisa.
And you can’t understand why anyone likes how it smells or tastes
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You are definitely the weirdo at the Thanksgiving table who shuns the homemade pies in favor of a dry, turkey-shaped cookie someone picked up from the grocery store at the last minute. On the plus side, you probably get to eat the whole tray by yourself.
You’ll start seeing posts about PSL’s at Starbucks and have to resist the urge to delete all your social media
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The leaves have not even begun to change color. You are still sweating on the way to class. There is no way you should be sipping a steaming hot latte right now.
All your friends won’t stop talking about it
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Newsflash — until recently, PSL’s didn’t have any real pumpkin in them. Pumpkin spice lattes are artificial, the flavor is over-powering, and they’re straight-up gross.
And internally, you’ll be screaming
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Resist the urge to cancel your lease when you walk into your apartment and your roommates have lit a pumpkin pie candle without your consent.
Every time you tell someone you hate pumpkin spice, they have this reaction
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Why is this so surprising? Some people hate pasta. Some people hate chocolate. Everyone’s tastes are different, but apparently hating pumpkin spice is just not acceptable.
The lines at Starbucks will become unusually long with people ordering this sorry excuse for coffee
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A bunch of fake coffee drinkers sending mass amounts of tweets and snapchats about being #basic triples the amount of time it will take to place your order. Looks like you are going to be late to your 8 am lecture if you don’t order ahead. As if you weren’t going to be grumpy enough.
At some point, someone will offer you something gross with pumpkin spice in it
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Your friend is so sweet for baking you this delicious pumpkin bread, but you’ll say you “just ate” and then feel like a terrible person throwing it in the trash the minute he walks out the door.
Things like pumpkin spice hummus exists
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Just because something is a popular food item does not mean it should be pumpkin-flavored come October. People will still buy hummus without this unnecessary marketing scheme.
And pumpkin spice vodka
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College may have desensitized you to any and all weird flavors of alcohol, but this nauseating combination of spicy and sweet does not go down easy.
And pumpkin spice CONDOMS?!
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Okay this was just a rumor, but still. What is the point?
You’ll accidentally take a bite of something that was unknowingly laced with pumpkin spice
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When Leslie said “I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things,” she meant pumpkin spice. Don’t feel bad bolting from the table to spit out the rogue pumpkin food.
And pumpkin spice will start to infect even your favorite of foods
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Three words — pumpkin spice lasagna. Are you kidding me? I thought I could trust you, Rachel Ray.
Browsing Pinterest will make you want to vom, so you’ll take up a new hobby
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You probably will also start paying attention in class. I guess mom and dad will be happy?
Going to the grocery store is completely out of the question
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Your local grocery definitely has a pumpkin spice display set up with every pumpkin spice flavored food item imaginable. Trader Joe’s has 60 pumpkin flavored items available for purchase, because life is not fair. And nothing is worse than saying no to the little old lady offering you samples of pumpkin spice cheesecake at Costco.
You think you are the only person in the world who is sickened by the smell of cinnamon and clove
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It smells like the potpourri at your great aunt’s house…Mmm, gotta love dried plants.
If you ever meet anyone who hates pumpkin spice too, you’ll be like
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Just knowing you are not alone in the fight against pumpkin spice will be the highlight of your week. Say hello to your new BFF.
And you’ll cling to them, even if you have nothing else in common
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She wears short skirts, you wear t-shirts. She’s cheer captain and you’re on the bleachers. But she is still the most beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk-ox you’ve ever met, based solely on the fact that she hates pumpkin spice just as much as you.
Because you will need their support to get through this season
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#Sorrynotsorry.
And even though you will never understand this obsession with pumpkin spice
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You may use hashtags in normal conversation. You may still argue about if the dress was blue and black or gold and white. But you will never get on board with the pumpkin spice fad. Wasn’t it supposed to be over by now?
You know everything will be better come December
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Peppermint lattes, anyone? Now that is a flavor we can all enjoy.