Diet. It’s a word tossed around often, especially in a culture where body image issues run rampant and every celebrity and their mother is trying the next big fad eating plan. It’s almost become trendy to go on a diet.
You may have tried a juice cleanse. You may have tried going vegan for a month. You may have tried out caveman-style food choices. Or you may have simply tried to cut carbs.
No matter what your dietary experiment was, let your favorite One Tree Hill character explain how it went. It was probably something like this:
1. Excitement
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Beyoncé did it. Therefore, in just one month, you, too, will look like Beyoncé. Let’s do this. What could possibly go wrong? You have nothing to lose, except, well, weight. Now go celebrate at Tric.
2. Determination
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Going through with this pretty much makes you Superwoman, right? I mean, talk about willpower. If you’re as cool as Brooke, you can even rock a super suit while eating your tofu. With Haley and Quinn by your side, of course.
3. Pride
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Why, yes, I am gluten free this month. I also low-key run Tree Hill High. It’s NBD. *tosses hair*
4. Burning Out
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Once you start getting tired of having juice for every meal, the going gets tough. Why didn’t you go for an all-ice cream diet instead? Or a pasta cleanse? Julian Baker, please help a girl out here.
5. Getting Defensive
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Don’t listen to what your friends tell you. They don’t understand what you’ve taken on. (No, really, this IS a good idea, guys, I swear.)
And definitely, definitely don’t let Rachel Gatina tell you what’s up. Ugh.
6. Delirium
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Must. Eat. Real. Food. If you’re lucky, P. Sawyer and Tutor Girl have got your back, though.
7. Rage
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Your friends might think you have a short temper, but really you’re just HAAAANNNGGGRRRYYYYY. And you start to lose it. Because all you want are some freakin’ carbs, man. (And a successful fashion line. Because clothes will always come before bros. And diets.)
8. Turning Against the Diet
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All this effort, and nothing is even happening. Weight loss? Yeah, right, OK. Go advertise yourself somewhere else, Paleo diet. You’re almost as terrible as Victoria Davis. Almost.
9. Blaming the World
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This was supposed to work. The magazines said this was supposed to work. Kim K said it worked. ALL LIES. The media is corrupt. The world is ending. Things might turn as nasty as the Secret Sparkle Classic cheerleading competition.
10. Self-Doubt
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Miley made it through the diet, but you couldn’t. Sigh. So much for being a superhero with super self-control. That ended after you ate that one waffle fry. (Just one.)
Really, don’t worry, though — Chase Adams will just take a picture of you in front of a projector slide, and then date you. Score.
11. Acceptance
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Hey, you’re human, and you tried your best. But also, diets kinda suck, a lot. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Everything’s gonna be okay. And you’re still awesome. And you do NOT need Lucas Scott.
12. Freedom
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Oh, dessert, how I missed you so. It’s good to be back.
After all, between love triangles, and Psycho Derek attacks, and being student body president AND head of the cheerleading squad AND the founder of Clothes Over Bros – sometimes a girl just needs a break. “Break” meaning cake.
Eat up, B. You earned it.