For years we’ve heard all sorts of crazy things. “Wear oven mitts when you take food out of the oven.” “Drink a lot of water.” And the worst… “French fries are bad for you.”
I’m here to tell you that the naysayers are often wrong. In fact, there’s no reason you shouldn’t eat french fries every day for an entire year. Here are a few reasons why.
1. Your skin will clear up.
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What’s better for your skin than crunchy, crispy, oily food? Your acne will go back-ne into your face once you start shoveling in the fries. Trust me, it’s science.
2. You’ll lose close to 10 pounds a week.
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In case you didn’t know, eating any one food for a full year is a foolproof way to lose weight. You’ll get as many nutrients as you need, no problem. Your body will supply you with all the nutrients you need – what you eat has nothing to do with it.
3. There’s no way you can possibly get tired of one food.
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Fries are salty, fatty, and delicious. Every bite is absolute heaven, and there are no regrets no matter how many you eat, even when you’re belching on the floor with your delicious food baby (before it explodes out of your stomach like in Alien). This is the food you want to bring on a deserted island. The kind that fills you with aliens.
4. Friends will wish they had the same dedication to a healthy vegan lifestyle.
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Anyone on a different diet will hate you. You’ve made a vegan lifestyle choice they would kill to replicate, but they (mistakenly) like meat and milk too much. They think vegan diets “aren’t healthy.”
Your vegan lifestyle is so easy, it scares them. Whatever, more for you.
5. Every restaurant in the world will be ready for you.
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From a midnight McDonald’s run to a fancy French restaurant, every single restaurant will always have french fries on the menu. And if they don’t, they must have potatoes. And where there are potatoes, there are future french fries. Every restaurant was made to accommodate your needs, right? It’s not too much to ask.
6. Fat is good for you and your cholesterol and your spirit.
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You can eat fat to stay skinny. That’s a thing. So obviously, that means that french fry fats – saturated and trans – must be pretty solid. I bet you’ll find yourself losing weight every week on this diet.
7. They’re made from potatoes, so they’re as healthy as vegetables.
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Like, they’re vegetables, hello… Any food that comes from the ground has got to be good for you. And excess carbs are good, yeah?
8. Convenient food is the best food you can put in yourself.
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Only chumps spend their time curating food masterpieces when you can run down to your local MickeyD’s and get your fries hot and salty. Fast food is made of all natural ingredients, and it’s cheap and easy. Availability only helps your fry habit.
9. They’re a low-calorie, any-time snack.
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A serving of french fries rings in at 480 calories for a large. Considering fries are all you’re eating, let’s say a medium for breakfast and larges for lunch and dinner. Throw in another small for a snack. That’s only 1,347 calories (math!), and the average daily caloric intake is actually higher than that.
10. There are over a billion documented fry varieties.
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Curly fries? Check. Sweet potato fries? Check. Avocado fries? Check. That’s billions of kinds already, and science finds more new ones every day. Whatever find of fries you want (I’m partial to zucchini fries), you’ll find there’s always something new to munch on. And, of course, nothing beats the classics.
11. Grease is the biggest part of the food pyramid.
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If you turn it upside down, it is (it’s all about perspective). Imagine pizza without grease. Now imagine fries without grease. What’s the point of that? If you eat fries every day, you’re going to get grease every day. Grease is the word.
12. All of your dreams will come true.
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Eating fries every day for a year will literally change your life. You will look better, feel better, and have more friends than ever before. People will love you. You’ll get a reality show based on your valiant efforts. You’ll be on the front page of The New York Times.
Happy munching.