Why You Should Stop Giving Me Shit For Not Eating Gluten or Dairy

I don’t eat gluten or dairy and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been interrogated about it. It’s beyond annoying and the thing I want to say to literally every person is a) why do you care and b) will you please just get off my back so I can have a pleasant dining experience without shitting my pants?

I get a lot of people are on the whole gluten and dairy-free kick because they think it’s healthier. Those people are 100% wrong, and I’m definitely not one of them.

The suckers who buy gluten-free crackers probably haven’t checked the back of the box to see that the main ingredient is rice flour along with a slew of things they can’t pronounce. Not to mention the carbs are probably double than those of normal crackers.

And don’t even get me started on people who think soy milk is actually better for you than real milk since it doesn’t contain dairy, even though it has a revolting amount of sugar and hormones in it.

It sucks that these people are misinformed, but at the end of the day, why are you so offended by the way other people eat? I don’t judge you for being a vegetarian, so why are you judging me for staying away from gluten?

Not eating meat is your choice, just like not eating gluten and dairy is mine. Even eating junk food in excess, stuffing your face with McDonald’s and actively clogging your arteries is your choice, too.

But really “choice” is another interesting part of it. Restaurants now are trained to ask people with dietary restrictions whether it is a “necessity” or a “choice.” Really? For people who can actually eat the things they’re staying away from, it’s a choice.

But it’s also a choice to follow the necessity aspect and stay away from that cheeseburger because you know you’ll be in the bathroom for hours afterwards. There are plenty of people in the world that ignore their intolerances because they want that pizza soooo bad and are willing to suffer for a cheesy indulgence.

People ask me all the time whether I’m Celiac or not. Honestly, I have never been tested, nor do I feel the need to be tested. To me, it isn’t rocket science to figure out if your body is rejecting something you put into it.

Here’s a little test for yourself – if it comes out quicker than it went in, you probably shouldn’t be consuming it. I kid you not, I was called “Upchuck” from birth through age six because my body couldn’t handle dairy. Sorry that’s gross, but your body is almost always honest with you, you just need to listen to it.

Trust me, if I could eat gluten or dairy, I totally would. Sometimes I crave bread so badly I go to Whole Foods to cradle a loaf of ciabatta for a few minutes, just to remember what it looks, feels, and smells like.

People get irrationally angry about my dietary restrictions and I really don’t get it. I worked at an awesome restaurant when I lived in Chicago. They fed us “family dinner” before every service and it was incredible to see the chefs cook food that wasn’t on the menu.

And, of course, I was extremely appreciative that they catered to my restrictions even after saying several times I didn’t mind eating at home before my shift.

But one night the staff went out for drinks after service and I was publicly humiliated for eating the way I eat. One of the chefs literally yelled in my face for two minutes straight that my restrictions were bullshit and that it was a pain in his ass to make meals for me, along with a bunch of other demeaning stabs.

Another thing that hurt me was an article I saw online the other day that has resurfaced because of the current lawsuit with almond milk producer Almond Breeze. The article was published on Mother Jones nearly a year ago and is entitled “Lay Off the Almond Milk, You Ignorant Hipsters.” It would be an understatement to say this pissed me off.

People have their opinions and I can respect that, but my point here is, even if I could consume dairy and drank almond milk instead, why do you care? What if I like the taste? Sure, we all know that Almond Breeze almond milk is mostly water and very little almond because the media is having a shit fit about it right now.

It’s unfortunate there are some really crappy brands out there. But just because I like almond milk and this brand sucks doesn’t mean you should call me ignorant.

This type of name-calling has unfortunately been one of the biggest side effects of the growing food industry, and without a doubt the main instigator of this phenomenon is social media. Now with Instagram, you can see what people around the world are eating and judge them for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely a culprit of this sometimes, too. I’m on Instagram constantly and I pretty much only follow food accounts. My blog is called The Bacon Princess and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tagged in some random photo with bacon that makes me come to some irrational snap conclusion about some person I don’t even know.

Even I need to tell myself to rewind sometimes.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’m really ready for people to stop reading into each other’s eating habits. Stop asking the skinny girl holding a donut what her workout plan is. Stop assuming the curvy girl eats cheeseburgers and sits on her ass all day long.

Stop making Reese’s, Oreo, peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, grilled cheese, bacon-wrapped, deep-fried whatever-the-fucks with a cherry on top because you think people are gonna go ham over your willlddd creation.

And for the love of God, stop giving me shit for not eating gluten or dairy.

• Dietary Restriction