Let’s get real – New Jersey and New York bagels are the epitome of all that is good in this world. Now, let’s get really real – most of us would be perfectly content if we were fed some sort of bagel concoction for every meal of the day.
Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration (we have to save room for pizza, after all), but I’ll bet you’re daydreaming/drooling about your typical bagel order as you read this. As a New Jersian, I understand how sacred that morning-after regimen is. It’s solely yours, and, little do you know, probably says a lot about your interests and personality.
I’ve done the honor of breaking this proposition down into some of the most popular and weird bagel combinations to ever exist. You’re welcome.
Plain bagel with butter or cream cheese
You are either 5 years old or have the taste buds of an ant. You enjoy routine and have probably checked exactly zero items off your bucket list. Time’s a-ticking, my friend. There’s a time and place for plain bagels with butter or cream cheese, and it sure as hell isn’t 2016. Moving on…
Sesame bagel with lox and cream cheese
The thought of ordering a plain bagel probably gives you the heebie jeebies. You eat caviar on a daily basis, pride yourself in being a full-time overachiever, and probably don’t even know what lox actually is (but it still sounds and looks cool). I’m not quite sure why you enjoy eating sushi for breakfast, but don’t worry, you aren’t judged…too much.
Breakfast sandwich on an everything bagel
Ahh, here we go. This is the end-all, be-all BEST combination of ingredients you could possibly pile onto a bagel (not that I’m biased). All of you New Jersians probably prefer pork roll, bacon, or sausage along with the classic fried eggs and cheese. Salt, pepper, ketchup? Yes please.
If this is your typical order, simply put, you’re basic. Which isn’t a bad thing…you just tend to prefer whatever is considered mainstream. Your latest Spotify playlist includes Justin Bieber and One Direction and you frolic around campus drinking a pumpkin spice latte while wearing Sperries and a North Face backpack.
Rainbow bagel with birthday cake cream cheese
I know, I’m drooling too. This bad boy, made famous by Brooklyn’s The Bagel Store, has been growing exponentially in popularity thanks to social media. If you’re already planning a trip to NYC for this guy, you’re the definition of a hipster. You find man buns attractive, pride yourself in how many craft beers you’ve tried, and constantly tell people that you were born in the wrong generation. Let the thought process for a witty Instagram caption commence.
#SpoonTip: Can’t make the trip? DIY this magical bagel here.
Plain bagel scooped out with non-fat vegetable cream cheese
Seriously, you scooped out the BEST PART. After eating your bagel you’ll probably run a billion miles, go back to your sustainable apartment, do some yoga, and finish the day eating your sad little kale salad while watching The Bachelor. Don’t come crying to me when skinny doesn’t feel as good as a non-scooped, warm, buttery bagel tastes.
Plain(ish) bagel with bacon and cream cheese
Now this is weird, but the sweet and salty combo is actually quite popular. I’m not quite sure why you would do this to that once-perfect little bagel, but you clearly are not familiar with what deserves to go on something so incredible. You’re probably from somewhere nowhere near the OG bagel states and aren’t afraid to share your unpopular opinions. All in all, I’m sorry for your loss of taste buds.
The almighty BEC
For any newbies that aren’t familiar with what BEC stands for, you should start planning a trip to the East Coast ASAP. Surprisingly, this combination of salty bacon, melty cheese, and a fried egg is actually somewhat edible in places other than the aforementioned OG bagel states.
Whether you prefer this legendary marriage of flavors on a bagel, croissant, or Kaiser roll, you are probably sincerely devoted to it. A Saturday morning bagel store trip is more of a ritual than a routine, and as soon as your favorite employee sees you walk through the door, the grill is already heating up. God bless America, and God bless BEC.
Pizza bagels define a 90’s kid’s elementary school years. I can virtually guarantee that your eyes got as wide as the pepperoni as soon as one landed on your lunch tray. That being said, if you still crave this nostalgic meal, you are a true kid at heart. Asking for the kid’s menu at restaurants is a weekly occurrence, you own more onesies than you can count, and no Burger King trip is complete without walking out with a paper crown on your head. You go, Glen Coco.
There you have it, folks – a definite list of some of the most quirky and popular bagel concoctions to exist and what they say about those who order them. We may not all agree on which one trumps the others (*hint: any created in New Jersey will probably have the honor*), but I think we can all concur that when it comes to bagels, it’s pretty damn hard to go wrong.
Eat on, bagel lovers.