It's universally known that ice cream pairs well with a bad breakup. But in the hookup culture of college, things tend to be a little more... complicated. Considering the many ways college dating might go wrong, I think each disappointment deserves its very own food pairing to best help you mend a broken heart.
1. A bad DFMO = Iced Latte
A frat party staple, the "DFMO" or "Dance Floor Make Out," is never quite as good as you might imagine. Sure, at the time, you thought he was cute (but who isn't in the hazy darkness of a fraternity house basement?) but then you woke up.
At the end of the day, though, even a "good" DFMO is still just a DFMO, with all of the drunken messiness that such a scenario likely entails. So, if the next morning you remember with unfortunate clarity your sloppy and all-too-public display of affection, I recommend cooling off with a nice iced latte.
Plus, the caffeine will fuel you through the week until it's time to hit up the next frat party (and probably the next DFMO).
2. You hit it off at a party, then find out he has a girlfriend = Garlic Bread
So you're hanging out at some apartment party and find yourself being introduced to a friend of a friend, and before you know it, sparks are flying. He's cute, he's funny... and much to your later surprise, he's totally unavailable. Despite the heavy flirting that you swear you remember, it turns out that he's still very much in love with his states-away high school sweetheart.
Soothe your confused mind and bruised ego with some toasty garlic bread. Not only is garlic bread maybe one of the best foods ever, but there's also no need to suffer from garlic-breath guilt, because this misleading Casanova will definitely not be getting a kiss from you.
3. He says he'll text you, but he doesn't = French Fries
Modern technology has advanced to the point that constant communication is almost too easy... but you would never guess that based on your current hook-up's texting track record (or rather, lack thereof).
Whether you're waiting for the morning-after courtesy text or a response to your effort to make plans, your patience is slowly running out. Push through the hell with some truly heavenly french fries. Not only are they likely the #1 fast food of your childhood dreams, but they're the perfect snack to share with your friends while you relate the whole ordeal again and again, vainly searching for a reason why the text still hasn't come.
4. He says he wants to "slow things down" = Pasta
No matter what phase you're at in a relationship, getting hit with the "I think maybe we should slow things down" line is so not fun. You may be left reeling, wondering how you somehow went from cute and desirable to smothering and unbearable. You recognize the importance of voicing concerns in any relationship, but that doesn't make it any less painful to hear.
I'm Italian, so I feel that I have the authority to deem this one a pasta-level heartache. Grab some gal pals and hit up your favorite Italian spot for some white wine and toasted ravs: you'll feel better in no time.
5. He cheated on you = Ben & Jerry's
Didn't I set out to write this article for the purpose of giving options other than ice cream for heartache munchies? Yes, I did, but what can I say? This one calls for the classic remedy. I would just be wrong to prescribe anything other than ice cream for such a heart-breaking occasion. In this trying time, turn to the two men who you can be sure will never disappoint: Ben and Jerry.
Dating is messy, and dating on a college campus is somehow even messier. And while I'm a big supporter of not using food as a coping mechanism, I think there's also a time and a place for indulgence. Sometimes, what you really need to bounce back is to laugh over lattes about last night's questionable choices or talk it all out with your best friend over some fries.
Just don't stress too hard about every dating mishap, because even if it seems impossible to get over in the moment, eventually you'll find someone that will make you wonder why you ever dated that other girl or guy in the first place. But in the mean time, kick back and enjoy those heartbreak carbs, because honey, you deserve it.