After having recently acquired a Netflix account, I admittedly binge-watched a questionable amount of episodes and managed to finish the series within a little under three months. After spending so much time with The Office, I feel as if I must honor this amazing show. The only way I could think of truly paying tribute to arguably one of the best television series of the past decade is to transform each beloved character into food.
So here’s to the start of my new series, The Office (SpoonU Version).
Michael Scott – Durian
Durian, found in many Southeast Asian regions, has been known for many years as a fruit with a strong, unpleasant odor and large size. Like Michael Scott, durian comes off as strong initially, having a spiky shell around it that often can come off as offensive to some in the way that Michael is notorious for being slightly sexist or racist.
However, once you peel away the skin of the fruit and have survived the nauseating scent, you slowly realize that it isn’t half bad. You respect why people may like such a strange fruit. So although Michael Scott may come off as straight up weird at first bite, he actually has good intentions for his fellow workers and can be a little sweet.
Dwight Schrute – Beets
If you have watched the show, you don’t need a real explanation for this pick. The man literally has his own beet farm and takes pride in it. But, to go into a little bit more detail, beets are known as a hard root plant. While being a bit of a pain to prepare, with a little TLC, beets are actually quite enjoyable and can star in soups and salads.
Therefore, like a beet, Dwight is definitely a valuable employee of Dunder Mifflin as he has experience in surveillance, farming, and Battlestar Galactica. Also like beets, Dwight is difficult to get through to, having a hardened personality that seems to be impenetrable.
Jim Halpert – Bread
How much more plain can you get than good old Jim? Even his name doesn’t have all the pizzazz that one could imagine for one of the most sensible characters in the office. Although seemingly plain like bread, Jim gets along with almost everyone – just as bread goes together with a lot of things such as meat, dipping sauce, and soup.
At the crust of his personality, he’s just a boring guy who doesn’t seem to be that enthusiastic about things. However, when you’re at the soft loaf of his personality, that’s where the true character comes out.
Pam Beesley (Halpert) – Peanut Butter
The ultimate complement to bread that will stick onto it no matter what. Pam is without a doubt sweet and smart, the qualities that any peanut butter enthusiast would agree on. At the same time, however, that very same sweet personality may not be something that everyone is fond with, getting her into some sticky situations.
Toby Flenderson – Stinky Tofu
When you’re with a group of people and someone says tofu, at least half of the group cringes a tiny bit. Stinky tofu? Almost everyone. Toby Flenderson? Everyone. I mean, stinky tofu is said to have good nutritional value by providing fair amounts of protein with low-fat content.
Just like stinky tofu, Toby’s just trying to get through the day as an HR rep without someone looking at him and hurling an insult at his face. Once you get to know Toby and try some stinky tofu, it’s not too bad.
Meredith Palmer – Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey
It has also been said that sexual performance, however, goes down while under the influence. This is Meredith, who is usually a huge turnoff for most of her co-workers. She is the red-headed alcoholic.
Kevin Malone – Egg
Eggs are something that most people love. Kevin is someone that most people love. It goes to say that they are pretty similar. While eggs have yolk and egg whites inside of them, Kevin has goopy things inside of his brain that might hinder his intelligence a little bit. Both are not difficult to crack and heck, Kevin’s head is literally in the shape of an egg. There’s not much more to say about that.
Phyllis Vance – Whipped Cream
Phyllis is the sweetest woman you can think of, she has a motherly instinct and seems to have the softness in her personality just like whipped cream would have. However, research has shown that whipped cream is actually considered to be an aphrodisiac, which represents the sex crave that Phyllis always seems to have with her husband Bob Vance. Having too much whipped cream might be a tad overbearing just like how Phyllis’s sexual arousal can be a bit overbearing. She’s still a nice woman, though.
Ryan Howard – Kale
Kale is thought to be one of the more hipster trends of this decade, finding its way into virtually anything like salads to smoothies. Like kale, the former business student, Ryan Howard, slowly turns into the ultimate hipster in the later seasons of the show, wearing new round glasses, scarves, and sweater vests as his work clothes.
Unfortunately, kale seems to be a fad that is not appreciated by a good amount of people, just how Ryan Howard’s “brilliant” ideas seem to fall apart. Rest in peace to WUPHF – I thought it was a solid idea.
Stanley Hudson – Cheese Pizza
People are aware of the possible health problems of eating too much fast food. Yet, many still consume pizza despite the risks. Stanley Hudson is one of these individuals who simply doesn’t give a damn. He doesn’t like a lot of complexity to his life and doesn’t take crap from anyone, which is why he would probably just be a basic cheese pizza and keep things simple and straightforward.
Pizza can cause some clogged arteries. Stanley can cause some heartbreak. The different affairs that he has with various women and the chaos that occurs in the office prove the potential negative effects that our beloved cheesy dish can cause.
Angela Martin – Fat-Free Milk
Milk, like most other foods, can grow rotten when it expires. Angela, like most other people, can grow rotten when her patience begins to expire. However, there is something about fat-free milk that shares the same personality as this accountant.
It could be that fat-free milk is intended to keep you thin, yet strong just like Angela’s demeanor. Or maybe it’s the fact that cats are fond of milk and Angela has tens of hundreds of cats she goes through in the series. Rest in peace, Bandit.
Oscar Martinez – A Well-Cooked Piece of Filet Mignon
When you think of food that has sophistication, there is no greater food than a classic filet mignon. This strong piece of meat can only define the seemingly most intelligent man of the office: Oscar Martinez.
Just like someone who knows how to get around cooking a piece of steak well, Oscar knows the field of accounting very well. Without a doubt, Oscar is the most bougie character in the office, always staying rational and classy. Like the chewy and tenderness of a steak, Oscar can be a big emotional softy at times.
Kelly Kapoor – Really Loud Pink Bubble Gum
Have you ever gotten that feeling when you think you’ve been chewing gum for hours and you feel your mouth getting really dry and uncomfortable? Even when you’ve really only been chewing that gum for a good ten minutes? That is Kelly Kapoor in a nutshell.
You could’ve sworn she’s been droning on about Beyoncé, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and Ryan Howard for days when it’s only been two minutes. Sometimes, like the initial taste of a good piece of bubble gum, she can be a pleasant executive to be around.
Andy – Granola Bar
The “Nard Dog” has always been considered as the underdog in the TV series, just like how granola bars seem to be the underdog in the food industry. Many people overlook the nutritional advantages of granola, thinking it gives minimal benefit to them when in fact, those babies are seeded with all kinds of natural goodness.
Just like how granola is underrated, Andy is often overlooked even when he rises to be a great regional manager. The guy even tries to incentivize his employees to make sales by getting a tattoo on his butt cheek.
Erin Hannon – Ice Cream
Who doesn’t love ice cream? It’s filled with all different sweeteners, sugars, and cream that just make it a jolly dessert to enjoy. Erin is just like this, being the joyful receptionist of the office who tries to spread her optimism to her co-workers.
However, just like how when one eats too much ice cream and he or she gets a brain freeze, one might have a confused mind and a heavy headache after listening to Erin’s naive brain speak its mind.
Creed Bratton – A Very Dry Herb
Creed has always just been on the side as the unusual quality assurance director, adding humor to the office when the attention is brought onto him through bizarre statements. Like Creed, herbs add a little something subtle to your food even if you can’t see them. Dry herbs can also be kept and stored for a long, long time. Creed is hands down the oldest individual in the office and just doesn’t really disappear… What an enigma.
Darryl Philbin – Jalapeño
Jalapeños are nice additions to any meal to add a good amount of spice to your taste buds, making the meal a bit more stimulating. Darryl can be similar in a way, giving the office a certain kind of spark and an upbeat nature. He may get selfish and want a little too much at times, which might get him into some messy situations, which is similar to how too many jalapeños may make things a bit too fierce.
Gabe Lewis – Plain Mayonnaise
I guess he’s necessary because he works for the CEO of the company. But really. does anyone truly like mayonnaise just by itself? Just thinking about eating a spoonful of mayo is like you’re consuming a spoonful of Gabe. Gag-inducing. Not fun. Just no.