For many ’90s kids, there’s something so comforting about hearing a classic boy band song come onto the radio. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of hearing the beginning beats of classics like “I Want It That Way” or “Bye Bye Bye” and just knowing that you’re about to jam so hard for the next 4 minutes.
The only thing I can compare it to is when you get home and you smell one of your favorite meals cooking and you can’t wait to get in there and chow down.
That got me thinking, if my favorite boy bands were my favorite foods (because I can never choose just one), which would they be?
Backstreet Boys – Tacos
As any true BSB fan knows, besides a brief hiatus in 2005-2006, the boys have been producing amazing albums for us for over 20 years. The Backstreet Boys’ meal needed to be a staple, but it also needed to have distinct layers that are essential for making it complete.
You need the shell, the meat, the lettuce and tomato, the cheese, and the guac to have a truly complete taco, just like you need Brian, Nick, AJ, Howie, and Kevin to have a truly complete BSB.
Even though their 2007 album Unbreakable has some DAMN good songs, the void of Kevin doesn’t go unnoticed, just like a taco without cheese would be fine, but you’d probably really miss the cheese.
And because only four guys dancing around in white suits would just be weird.
New Kids on the Block – A nice, cold margarita
Sometimes after a long day of classes or work, you just need a nice marg at happy hour to relax. You need something classic, a long standing go-to that never lets you down.
Despite the attempted rebrand to simply ‘NKOTB’ in 2008, real Blockheads know that the heart and soul of the boy band has never really changed. Margaritas can also get you feelin’ some type of way after a few too many (I’m looking at you, Donnie Walhberg’s abs).
They also pair unbelievably well with tacos, much like the power team of NKOTBSB during their 2012 combined summer tour (AKA the greatest summer of my life).
*Nsync – A steak and potatoes dinner
If we’re all being honest with ourselves, we know that Justin Timberlake is the standout star of *Nsync (Chris who?!). Justin is clearly the steak of the group as the obvious main event.
Forever a boy band hipster (and fan of a good side dish), I was personally a JC Chasez kind of girl, who I think can stand as the potatoes of the meal — pretty important and often desired, but never the star.
The rest of the gang… Well, I guess you can have a (Lance Bass) salad? Or some (Joey Fatone) Brussels sprouts, but those are never the foods that keep you coming back.
Jonas Brothers – Wine and Cheese
Though they aren’t technically a “boy band,” I couldn’t leave out my boys Nick, Joe and Kevin. Much like a good wine and cheese, I think we can all agree that the Jonas Brothers have aged pretty damn well. Gone are the days of their large, curly fros and awkward interviews about their purity rings.
Even though the band has currently gone their separate ways musically (is anyone else obsessed with Nick’s solo album?!), the boys still have proven that they definitely get better with age.
98 Degrees – Popsicles
Is there anything else besides a popsicle that you’d rather be having when its 98 degrees outside? I don’t think so.
After an awesome comeback in the 2013 “The Package” Tour with NKOTB and Boyz II Men, 98 Degrees is hot again. But with the brother combo of Nick and Drew Lachey, how could they not be hot again?
Fun fact: I once semi-stalked Nick Lachey through a theater lobby at a production of Hairspray.
BB Mak – Baby Back Ribs
Okay, so I know many of you are probably thinking to yourselves, “Who the hell is BB Mak?” As a boy band expert, it is my job to know random British boybands like BB Mak, even if they were just a one-hit-wonder from 2000. As a reminder, here is their one hit:
And I’m sorry, but with the lyrics, “Until you’re back here, baby,” I couldn’t resist the pun. Also, it wouldn’t be completely out of the question for me to sing this song to a beautiful plate of baby back ribs.
Boyz II Men – A tub of ice cream
When I saw Boyz II Men in “The Package Tour” in 2013, I won’t lie, I was an emotional mess. I’m sorry, but if watching them sing “I’ll Make Love to You,” and pass out roses to the audience doesn’t make your heart flutter, I don’t know what will. They’re also the only ones who can say “make love” and not have it be gross and creepy.
It’s also undeniable that a playlist of their songs is basically 100% necessary during a breakup. And what goes better with a breakup playlist than a nice tub of ice cream?
One Direction – Pumpkin-flavored shit
I unapologetically love pumpkin-flavored shit, just like I unapologetically love boy bands. There have been a lot of boy bands to come and go over the last few decades, but none recently with as much intensity as One Direction.
Teen girls (and me) can’t get enough of One Direction the same way they can’t get enough PSLs. While
all some people might say that One Direction and pumpkin flavored foods are a bit oversaturated these days, I say the more the merrier.
Let’s all grab a drink and toast to boy bands 4 evaaa (literally).