By the time you slide up to the bar and order your fourth drink, it’s pretty much a done deal that drunk food will appear in your very near future. But what exactly you’ll be eating should depend upon the taste still lingering in your mouth from your last drink.
To guide you on your late-night food adventures, we’ve come up with the ultimate drunchie/drink pairings — wine and cheese has got nothing on some of these matches made in drunk food heaven. Check out what you should be ordering the next time you get that late-night craving:
Rum and Coke – Chipotle Chicken Sandwich
It’s one of those nights, and you’ve been downing rum and cokes like you’re a pirate. With the taste of the islands in your mouth and a light, breezy feeling in your head, the only thing to console you is a chipotle chicken sandwich.
Spicy, flavorful, and with plenty of bread to soak up that rum, chipotle chicken sandwiches are undoubtedly the best choice for any rum and coke lover.
Margaritas – Loaded Nachos
It’s margarita Monday and you’ve had one too many at the local Mexican kitchen down the road. Okay, maybe two too many.
What are you reaching for in a couple of hours? Loaded nachos, of course. Pile on the guac, salsa, and the more cheese the better. It’s a fiesta.
Beer – Cheese Pizza
A loyal beer drinker is a class act through and through. What should class acts eat at 2:00 am after the bars close? Pizza. Cheese pizza, to be exact.
Timeless and true, a no-toppings-no-mess slice of cheesy goodness is all you really want (and need) after a night of moderate-to-heavy beer drinking. Or even after a night of light beer drinking. Because pizza is awesome no matter what.
Fireball – Wings
If you’re drinking Fireball, chances are that you’re taking shots of it. And if you’re taking shots all night, chances are even better that you’re in a no-rules kind of mood. Which means that you will thoroughly enjoy a no-utensils, messy kind of food later on. Enter: wings.
Not to mention that the cinnamon flavor of Fireball simply primes your taste buds for chicken slathered in BBQ sauce. Next time you order wings for late night delivery, ask yourself, “Is there the sweet scent of cinnamon on my breath?” The answer should be yes.
Wine – Cheesy Bread
Wine drinkers are scientifically predisposed to like cheese, and this next pairing is just a college twist on your classic wine and cheese duo. If you just polished off that bottle of wine, there is a 99.9% chance that you’ll be heating yourself up some frozen cheesy bread once you stumble home.
Vodka Cranberry – Mac and Cheese
“One vodka cran, please,” is essentially the same thing as telling the bartender, “I’m basic.” Since a basic drink calls for a basic late-night gorge session, mac ‘n cheese should become your drunk best friend.
Vodka Soda – Hummus and Carrots
It’s safe to say that if you’re ordering vodka sodas all night, you’re at least a little calorie conscious. But since you still clearly know how to have fun, late night drunchies aren’t completely off the table.
You might bypass the late night pizza and fries, but as soon as you get home, break out the hummus and carrots. Maybe not the most satisfying drunk food out there, but hey, it gets the job done.
Whiskey Coke – Cheeseburger
A classic, all-American drink begs for a classic, all-American cheeseburger. If you’re planning on sipping on whiskey cokes all night, don’t fight the undeniable urge for a good ol’ burger that comes with it.
Champagne – Cookies
When champagne is your drink of choice for the night, no doubt there is a celebration at hand. And what’s a celebration without a cookie? This pairing speaks for itself.
Cider – Fries
Whether you’re gluten free or just like really sweet drinks, the chronic cider drinker often finds him or herself fries-in-hand by the end of the evening.
Luckily, French fries are the way to go on both accounts. Not only does a generous dunk in some ketchup sweeten them right up, but fries are also gluten free (when fried in a designated/gluten free fryer) in addition to being totally delicious.
Frat Boy Punch – Ramen
Observe any freshman and you’ll find this next pairing undeniably true. After a hazy night at a fraternity party drinking ultra-sweet punch out of a trashcan, you stumble home to your dorm room with one thing in mind and one thing only: ramen.
Tear open the package, throw in some water while managing to spill only half of the bowl, and microwave for a length according to how hungry you are. Now that’s a match made in college heaven.
Tequila Shots – Your Toilet Seat
You know what they say. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… If you make it that far, the odds go way down that you’ll be in any coherent state to even attempt drunk food.
I hope you like the taste of toilet seat, because odds are strong that’s where you’ll end up.