1. Homeland: Jack Daniels, straight.
Terrorist-plot-foiling, intel-gathering, jazz-listening, authority-ignoring, rule-shirking, all-American Jack Daniels. On the rocks because you should feel the burn. If only we could bottle Claire Danes’ tears.
2. Shameless: Natty Light (or some shitty beer of the like).
Shamelessly crack open that three-month-old can of Natty Light that your roommate’s ex-boyfriend left in your fridge. Doesn’t sound appealing? Try having Frank Gallagher as a dad. That’s right; count your blessings.
3. The Mindy Project: Red wine.
No, red wine won’t make you a successful surgeon with a new Chanel bag every episode (!?) but, yes, it will make you okay with the fact that you aren’t one.
4. Mad Men: Gin Gimlet. On the rocks.
Try a gin Gimlet and instantly immerse yourself in the glamorous 1960s. “But wait! I don’t want to channel the suave spirit of Don Draper,” said no one ever.
5. Sex and the City: Shots.
NO! Not a Cosmopolitan. Pound shots of vodka until the show seems reasonable, until Carrie’s puns are funny or until you can live with yourself for watching a four hour marathon on E! or binging the entire second season on HBO Go.
6. Archer: A White Russian.
Fix yourself a White Russian to the tune of Malory Archer then take a nice long swallow of that delicious white cream.