Hi, I'm Sam and I am a sushiholic. Unfortunately, the shame does not end there—I, Samantha Hahn, cannot for the life of me handle chopsticks. Life can be hard for a sushiholic incapable of using chopsticks. Here are the seven struggles that every person with this affliction has to cope with.
1) Everyone making fun of you
Whether it’s my friends mocking me as I reach for the sushi with my hands or my mom warning me to never a let a guy take me out for sushi, I can get no peace when it comes to my inability to use chopsticks.
2) Feeling uncultured every single time you go for sushi (which is a lot)
The inability to use chopsticks raises so many questions in my head. Am I not cultured enough or too unsophisticated to eat sushi? Am I depriving myself of the full sushi experience if I can’t master the use of chopsticks? Is my mere love for sushi just not enough?
3) The look of confusion you get when you ask the server for a fork/kid chopsticks
Yes, I am aware that most people are capable of using chopsticks. However, I can’t, so can everyone please be accepting of that and not judge me?
4) Still trying to use chopsticks only to end up using your hands
After not one, not two, but three times of dropping my sushi, I finally decide that dropping the food repeatedly is humiliating. I always end up picking up the sushi with my hands when no one is looking.
5) Not being able to reach the perfect soy sauce to wasabi ratio
Everyone knows that no sushi meal is just not complete without soy sauce and wasabi. However, it is almost impossible to reach the perfect soy sauce to wasabi ratio using only a fork.
6) Still telling yourself that one day you will learn to use chopstick
Practice makes perfect,doesn't it? With the amount of practice I get eating sushi, I except I’ll learn to use chopsticks eventually.
7) Accepting reality that even if you never learn to use chopsticks, sushi will always be your go-to
The last stage of grief is acceptance. In the end, even if I never overcome the humiliation of my disability, sushi will always hold a special place in my heart.