The holidays are right around the corner, which means that a major influx of holiday cookies and treats is coming your way. Unfortunately, more treats usually means more people to share them with. Depending on the size of your family or the number of guests present at holiday brunch, it can be hard to get your hands on those coveted Christmas cookies.
If you want to contend with your doe eyed sister and your conniving, chocolate obsessed grandmother, you have to do anything you can to even your chances. With these techniques, you might not end up on the nice list, but you’ll be able to console your disappointment with vast quantities of sugary goodness.
1. Snatch them from the oven
Even though the kitchen is usually packed to capacity during the holidays, oftentimes it will be unmanned and unguarded during the window of time when the oven is occupied. About five minutes before the cookies are done baking, swoop into the kitchen and use a metal spatula to grab a couple of gooey cookies from the oven. They’ll be a bit underdone, but they’ll taste just as good, if not better when you add in the sweet flavors of victory.
2. Sneak away during meals
While everyone is at family dinner, excuse yourself to use the bathroom and sneak into the kitchen. While you have the kitchen to yourself, shove as many untouched cookies into your mouth as you possibly can. For the best results, try to sneak away during a particularly intense family conversation, preferably one about politics or your uncle’s gambling problem. The yelling and the glaring will be the distraction you need to get away with your booty.
3. Prey on unsuspecting children
Just because you failed high school algebra, doesn’t mean you can’t outsmart unsuspecting member of your family out of their share of the Christmas cookies. Especially if the person you’re trying to dupe is under ten years old. Convince the younger members of your family that in order to end up on Santa’s Nice List, they have to share their cookies with you. Or try bartering with false promises of elf sightings and bits of dog hair that you can pass off as magic reindeer fur. If all else fails, wait until their glued to ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas, snatch the cookies and revel in the confidence of your ability to outrun a second grader.
4. Pretend to help out in the kitchen
Go undercover as a dishwasher or sou-chef to score points with your family while operating on your own agenda. Your mom and dad will be so happy to have some help dealing with an endless task list and the strange food requests of your gluten-free, lactose-intolerant, tofu-worshiping cousins that they won’t notice when you inconspicuously sidle up to the cookie jar and steal half the stash. After you’ve pulled off the heist, continue to help out for a little longer before excusing yourself, promising to come back after “five minutes”.
5. Impersonate Santa
When everyone has gone to bed, sneak downstairs and mooch off of the plate of cookies your younger siblings left for Saint Nick. Depending on your beliefs surrounding the jolly old fellow, you can rationalize this decision by reasoning that Santa cannot physically consume all the world’s Christmas cookies without exploding, or by assuring yourself that adults who lie to children about ideological legends deserve to have their cookies stolen. If you think about it, you’re basically performing a Christmas miracle.