Whether you eat to live or live to eat, there’s no doubt that eating, and trying to eat healthy, plays a big role in the college experience. So naturally, I turn to the most relevant girls of the 21st century — Cady, Regina, Gretchen, and Karen — to help me illustrate how real the struggle is.
And just remember: no one will hate you because you’re fat, you’ll be fat because they hate you.
When you get to college, you soon realize you have the freedom to eat whatever you want, whenever you want
There are no adults to tell you what you can and cannot eat anymore. Didn’t eat your vegetables with dinner at the FFC? Who cares! Want to order a pizza at midnight? Go for it. Remember: Hop Deli doesn’t charge for delivery.
Your biggest fear is eating alone in the dining hall
The FFC and Levering aren’t just for eating. These places during meal times are prime time to people watch and catch up on the latest gossip. To be seen as just a party of one is, well, social suicide. You’ll just have to overeat your feelings in order to cope.
You are insistent that you will do everything in your power to keep from gaining the “Freshman 15”
We all know eating healthier and keeping weight off would be so much easier if Freshii was still around. All hope of dieting is near lost now that a BoZ’s Burger, Fries and Shakes has taken its place on St. Paul.
You recognize that taking advantage of the unlimited meal plan may have its consequences
If an unlimited meal plan doesn’t epitomize something that is both a blessing and a curse, then I don’t know what does. But you’ve got to get your money’s worth, right?
Late night, anyone?
You blindly ignore the fact that alcohol is incredibly caloric because it’s college, right?
Is beer a carb?
You’ll try, and rarely succeed, to squeeze in a quick workout between classes
You go to Hopkins. Time between classes is meant for finishing homework for your next class.
You may finally have a kitchen, but you still can’t cook for yourself
Chipotle, Miss Shirley’s, and Chick-Fil-A deliver to campus now. You never have to cook again.
You may not have perfect attendance in your classes, but you will go out of your way to be present at any and every event serving free food
Food is expensive and you’re a broke college student. You’ve gotta work with what you’ve got. Make sure you become familiar with The Hop’s calendar because a lot of their events have free food! Though, keep in mind that free food is not free of calories.
#SpoonTip: Carry a Ziploc or Tupperware to snag extra food for later.
You realize, despite your countless efforts, you have actually put on a little weight since coming to college
While not statistically proven, there is likely an association between your weight gain and your drunk eating (inhaling) Uni Mini mozzarella sticks and/or Subway footlongs at 2 AM. #noregrets