As you open the door to enter your nearest Starbucks, a few thoughts start whirling around in your mind. Only a few seconds earlier you thought that getting a delicious caffeinated beverage was a great idea, but now you’ve come to regret your decision. What are you going to order? What if there’s no line and you have to make an impulse decision? How do you pronounce the sizes? (Hello, they’re literally in a foreign language!) You know that your drink order could make or break your first impression with the super cool barista who probably writes poetry and plays bass in his or her spare time. You quickly muster up all the confidence you possess and place your order. See, that wasn’t so bad? You probably sounded really cool, right? Guess again, my friend. Here’s a list of Starbucksonalities that almost everyone can relate to. Which one are you?
1. “Can I have a tall Strawberries and Creme Frappucino with extra whipped cream? That doesn’t have any coffee in it, right?”
You are a child or this is your first time visiting a Starbucks establishment and you’re too scared to try anything else. Don’t worry, buddy, we’ve all been there.
2. “Grande Iced Skinny Mocha.”
You are a sorority girl and there is no way I’m wrong about this. I like your yoga pants!
3. “Do you serve just plain coffee?”
You are a middle-aged mom in dire need of some caffeine and Starbucks just happened to be the most convenient location to buy it. We all know “plain coffee” really means a glass of red wine, but sadly that’s not socially acceptable to drink for at least another 6 hours.
4. “I’ll have a tall Pumpkin Spice Latte with skim milk please.”
If you’re ordering this, then you’re the luckiest/happiest person in the entire world because this means fall just arrived and seasonal drinks are back. Rejoice!
5. “Black coffee. Venti.”
Stop. Turn around. Go home. Either you had a really rough night or you’re a grad student, and either way, you just need sleep.
6. “Solo Espresso Machiatto s’il vous plait.”
Just kidding! No one actually orders this.
7. “Grande Shaken Iced Green Tea, my good sir!”
You’re a morning person and you’re not afraid to shine your inner light on the world around you. You run on 3 hours of sleep and sheer happiness. How was your 8-mile run this morning?
8. “I’ll have a tall Chai Tea Latte with soy milk please.”
You might just be my soul mate. This is arguably the best drink order to ever exist, so you are arguably the coolest person to ever exist. Let’s be friends, okay?
9. “Iced White Chocolate Mocha, extra ice, extra chocolate, extra mocha (is that a thing?), extra whipped cream. But can I get that with skim milk? I’m trying to watch my calories.”
No, please leave. You’re the worst kind of worst and everyone behind you is doing a collective eye-roll.