Because the most wonderful time of the year—fall TV premier season—is quickly approaching, I felt it was necessary to prepare everyone with an insightful article detailing what I hope to see in the upcoming seasons of my favorite shows. Aside from my typical requests of “more Rob Lowe appearances” and “more witty banter,” I decided that ultimately all shows need more food. So, naturally, I developed a casting list for a new Parks and Recreation: Food Edition. Here are my top choices for the new edible cast.
Jerry Gergich: Brussels sprouts
The most hated of all vegetables. You can’t help but be disgusted by the mere mention of them (sorry, Jerry), yet you know that deep down they’re actually really good for you.
Donna Meagle: Mimosa
Treat yo’self with a tall glass of the fanciest alcoholic breakfast item currently on the market. Mimosas are always bubbly, always fabulous and always act as the best wing woman.
April Ludgate: Dry toast with mashed bananas, honey and sardines
Essentially just the weirdest combination of mostly edible food I could think of. Plus this exact “recipe” has been used to catch raccoons that wander into my backyard sometimes. If that doesn’t scream April, I don’t know what does.
Ann Perkins: Apple pie
Who doesn’t love apple pie? It’s super sweet and always presented beautifully. Plus, Anne Perkins and apple pie have the same initials, so it’s meant to be.
Tom Haverford: Grilled pufferfish
Or, as Tom would say, Grilly Grilly P-Fish. Super exotic, super extravagant, super unnecessarily over the top. Though you’re initially turned off by everything about it (it can kill you if not prepared correctly!), you find yourself more and more intrigued the longer you consider it.
Chris Traeger: Kale
Whether you love it or hate it, kale will give you enough healthy energy to turn you into the Energizer Bunny. Packed with vitamins and minerals, it litrally has no negative aspects to it. Plus, word on the street is it’s the sexiest vegetable out there.
Andy Dwyer: Butter
Honestly, this doesn’t really need an explanation. Andy is the best. Butter is the best. The end.
Ron Swanson: All the eggs and bacon you have
Basic, rugged and consistently delicious, eggs and bacon are the backbone of a good, hearty breakfast. Without them, a breakfast buffet would be pointless and leave you feeling very unsatisfied.
Leslie Knope: Waffles with extra whipped cream
Waffles are the cure to any problem you could ever have. They make you happy, they can be enjoyed at anytime of day and they are, essentially, a girl’s true best friend.
Now grab a snack and make a permanent dent in your couch. Happy TV watching!