There are many reasons why I love Spoon University. Besides fueling my late-night procrastination habits, Spoon gives me an excuse to achieve my fattiest food dreams in the name of “online content creation.” So, this past weekend, I bought seven of the most non-traditional Oreo flavors (berry, birthday cake, chocolate, lemon, mint, peanut butter and red velvet) at my local grocery store. Then, I found some friends who were very willing to test out these Oreos. Out came the red solo cups and milk, and we dunked away.
MORE: Watch the blind taste test video here.
These were 50 shades of disgusting. Seriously, what kind of berry is this even supposed to be? The rest of the taste-testers were less than impressed:
“Are they trying to trick us into eating this thinking that it’s healthy because it’s berry flavored?”
“It smells like that awful cherry paste dentists use.”
“Doesn’t it taste like toothpaste—a kid’s toothpaste?”
If you have the sugar cravings of a hyperactive fifth grader, then you will love these. The cream is straight up Funfetti icing and brings back memories of when birthday parties still involved inflatable bounce houses and Pacific Cooler Capri Sun. It’s nostalgia, but in an Oreo.
“Some people have told me these taste like poop.”
“I have a candle that smells just like this tastes!”
“Oh my god, these are so sugary.”
You would think that this Oreo would be really good. You would expect an Oreo-gasmic chocolate-y explosion in your mouth. But no. You thought wrong.
“The two chocolates just don’t go together at all.”
“It smells like cocoa pebbles!”
I’m a pretty big fan of lemon-flavored sweets, so I really enjoyed these. The overall taste was a lot lighter than the other cookies and reminded me of spring. But every single one of the other testers compared these to the Girl Scout lemonade cookies and were not impressed.
“I mean these are okay, but the Girl Scout ones are so much better.”
“Oh wow, these taste just like the Girl Scout cookies. Ya know, the lemon ones?”
“I like the Girl Scout cookies a lot better.”
Sometime last year, scientists proved that Oreos are basically crack cocaine. Give me a pack of mint Oreos, and I will willingly verify their conclusions over and over again. Because I love science, but mainly mint Oreos.
“Okay, this one really smells like toothpaste.”
“It’s kind of gross that it’s so green.”
“I would like it better if it wasn’t this color.”
Disappointment. Seriously, just smother some good ole Jif on a classic Oreo, Parent Trap style. Find other delicious Oreo upgrades here.
“Wow, I really like these! They’re so good.”
“Real peanut butter would be better.”
“Why are these so dry?”
Nabisco recently released this limited-edition flavor for Valentine’s Day. I’m just confused as to why the red velvet cookie tastes eerily similar to cardboard. Needless to say, this was not love at first bite.
Anyway, a couple days ago I came across the hilarious ad campaign for these and realized the reason I had such a bad experience was because I had been eating them in the wrong setting.
Now, please excuse me as I go borrow my sorority friend’s fanny pack, hop on the next metro bus and proceed to fall in love with a tall, slightly scruffy hipster man. Because who needs Tinder when you have red velvet Oreos?