Meet Gillian Bentley Bolt, a freshman at Yale from San Francisco, California. Prior to starting college, Gillian — a prospective theater major and owner of her own IMDB page — spent the last year in India performing in Bollywood as a D-list celebrity. While in India, Gillian discovered “pseudo-veganism.” She has been a dedicated pseudo-vegan ever since.
*Note: The interviewee became increasingly defensive as the interview progressed. The interviewer began to fear for both my life and the lives of animals everywhere.
#SpoonTip: Approach pseudo-vegans with caution.
Spoon: So Gillian, when did you decide to go pseudo-vegan?
GB: It was in December of 2014 when I was in India. Actually, my vegaversary is coming up. Everyone should celebrate accordingly.
Spoon: Uh, ok. What made you decide to make this change?
GB: Well, I had already been vegetarian for 8 years. Also, I was kind of lactose intolerant and got a lot of stomach aches, and my cousin was already vegan, so she helped to convince me.
Gif courtesy of giphy.com
*Note: We chose not to interview Gill’s vegan cousin because real vegans are neither interesting nor cool.
Spoon: Did you find you were gassier in India than America?
GB: I said stomachaches, ok? (Interviewee then turned a delightful shade of fuschia)
Spoon: What was the initial transition to pseudo-veganism like?
GB: It was really difficult at first because I was actually vegan when I started. It was really tough to get salads in India, but I still stuck with it.
Photo courtesy of dw.com
Spoon: So all vegans can eat is salad?
GB: No, obviously not, but—
Spoon: Anyways, next question. What changes did you notice when you became pseudo-vegan?
GB: I actually lost 15 pounds from going vegan (The interviewer interrupted to clarify, “pseudo-vegan”). I also felt much healthier, more positive, and started making better food choices overall.
Photo courtesy of giphy.com
Spoon: Then why did you lose your willpower to be a real vegan?
GB: I was getting closer to my departure date in India and felt like I was missing out on some of the culinary culture because I was vegan. A lot of Indian foods are cooked in ghee (clarified butter), and I wanted to experience all India had to offer before leaving. I only cheated once a week. (I then heard Gillian mutter under her breath, “actually, it was a few times a week.”)
Spoon: How vegan do you consider yourself now?
GB: I’m on and off with full veganism. I always eat vegetarian at the very least, but on vacation, I usually let go. At school, I stay on track for the most part.
(She then denied being spotted eating three slices of pizza and a side of mozzarella sticks after Woad’s two weeks ago.)
Photo by Sarah Strong
Spoon: Do you find it difficult to find vegan options in the dining hall?
GB: Not at all, actually. I was surprised by how many vegan options are in the dining hall. I especially love the chickpea salad.
Photo by Nicole Laszlo
Spoon: So you’re telling me you go to Yale and have never had the famous Pepe’s pizza?
GB: No, I have, but—
Spoon: What about Ashley’s Ice Cream?
GB: I mean, I’ve had that too, but—
Spoon: How about Claire’s Chocolate Chip Ricotta cake?
GB: Oh my god, that cake is so good.
Photo courtesy of freefoodboston.wordpress.com
Spoon: So you’re not really a vegan at all, are you?
GB: (No comment)
After 17 minutes of interviewing, or as she later called it, “harassment”, Gillian Bentley Bolt stormed out screaming, “I WAS IN CARS 2, DAMMIT,” as a Klondike Bar wrapper fell from her coat pocket.