I am at heart a basic white girl. As such, I am obligated to love froyo. Depending on your flavors and toppings, it can be way healthier than regular ice cream or you can go totally ham and pile 6 different types of candy about. Honestly, I'm not mad about either option. Whichever way you go, if you're anything like me, this is how the whole process will go.
1. Anticipation
Your time has come. It’s been way too freakin’ long since your last frozen yogurt fix and you’re gonna do something about it STAT. You get into the car, practically bouncing with excitement- maybe you’ve allowed a friend to come on this delicious adventure with you or maybe you’ve decided to fly solo, but either way your body has never been more ready.
2. Planning
You know what you want. And you’re going to get it. You’ve got your favorite flavors and toppings and with your eye on the prize, nothing can stop you now. You step into the store like you own the place, exuding confidence like the expert froyo eater you are- go get ‘em tiger.
3. Overwhelmed
You step in and that unsinkable confidence sinks like the Titanic. Were there always this many options? Because right now they’re seeming endless. Oooooh pomegranate raspberry looks good. Okay okay, but cotton candy. Crap, there’s chocolate vanilla twist. Do I want a sugary flavor palette? Or more subtly sweet? Candy or fruit on top? Alright, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, you need a good foundation of froyo before even thinking about what goes on top.
4. Trying Every Flavor
Easy solution: try literally everything you possibly can. Maybe try some twice if you forget what one tasted like…plus those little cups are so tiny, how can you really taste anything with that small of an amount? But make sure you’re careful to not overfill and get it all over your hands…no need for an extra sticky situation.
5. Settling on the Same Thing You Always Get
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? At the end of the day you always get the same flavor. You know the one. If you’re like me, you’ll probably always forget if you have to push the handle up or down and panic the whole time, unsure if you have too little or too much, but you can breathe a sigh of relief that you know you’ll love that classic taste.
6. Toppings Time
Oh man, the toppings. Basically a rainbow of yum. You’re halfway there and it would be soul crushing to screw up now, so take a minute to consider the choices you’re about to make. Fruit to make yourself feel healthy. Cookie dough balls because you know in your hearts of hearts you’ll never actually be healthy. Boba balls, chocolate fudge, graham cracker crumbs, pile it all on there. Did you get a little over excited? Perhaps. Do you have any regrets? Absolutely not.
7. Payment
Did you really get that much? Is that really how much it costs? Too late to turn back now, you hand over your credit card a little ashamed because last time and the time before that and the time before that you tried to convince yourself that you could froyo in moderation. You were wrong. You’re literally paying the price.
8. Photo Sesh
OK, now you’re over feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve spent a whole lot of time putting together this masterpiece and you wanna share that art with others. Before a single bite is taken, approximately 20 pictures must first be taken. #doitforthegram, y’all.
9. Telling Yourself You'll Savor It
This is a beautiful moment between a human and some froyo. You should slowly enjoy said moment, making the whole experience last as long as possible. It may seem daunting, but you’re up for the challenge- you’ll thank yourself later.
10. Rapid Consumption
Screw that. Thank yourself now and eat that gosh darn frozen heaven as fast as your heart desires. This is your time, your froyo, your…brain freeze? Still worth it, tbh. You scrape the bottom of the cup, getting every last bite because first off, why should any of it go to waste? And second, remember how much you payed for all of this, better make the most of it.
11. PFYD (Post Froyo Depression)
Until next time, old friend…you will be missed.