You’re drunk, again. That precious time you spend wandering between the beloved Court Street bars and home sweet home is full of tons of important questions:
When did it get so cold?
Did I forget my phone at the bar?
Can I pet this strangers dog???
No really, I love dogs, can I please pet your dog? I’m soooooo good with them, I’m like a low-key dog whisperer. I swear.
And by far the most important question:
What should I eat?
This is a crucial question that could potentially impact your entire world for the next 12 minutes, or next 12 hours. Here’s what your drunken choice says about you:
Wendy’s — The Bargain King/Queen
You are the king/queen of bargains. Not even the world’s longest line, or a store full of almost-puking, loud, intoxicated humans will stop you from getting the best deal possible. The 4 for $4 is music to your ears because you may (or may not have) displaced a decent chunk of change shortly after you heard about the deal on liquor pitchers. But that’s alright. For the low price of four dollars — and a slice of your dignity — you can be the proud owner of the best bargain your drunk self can find.
Big Mama’s — The Athen’s Hero
You’re an Athens hero. You know exactly where you need to be and, on autopilot, you maneuver yourself — stumbling or otherwise — through the crowded sidewalks straight to the Holy Land. You don’t have to think about this decision; it’s been your plan since you saw the bottom of your second Black Widow. You stay true to the Athens way and get your Big Mama’s, and then regret it not too long after. But you don’t even care because — let’s be real — it’s too freakin’ good.
Chicken n Waffles — The Balanced One
You are an extremely balanced person, so when you’re drunk, you’re probably pretty chill. You’re the type to recognize how important the presence of both sweet and salty is, and even when you aren’t in the best frame of mind, you’re sure to rep both sides. You also aren’t high maintenance, so the little window is perfect for your inebriated self. You like your night like you like your drunk food — sweet, salty, and mobile.
Goodfella’s — The Loyal One
You’re a pretty loyal person. You know that a slice (or four) of pizza will make sober-you happy in the morning, and drunk-you is seriously in love with all of those carbs. You know that going the safe route will save you time, money, and embarrassment later on, and you’re loyal to the God of College Students, the almighty Pizza.
Wings Over — The All-American
You are a true American who sticks to real American values — like barbecue, ranch, and super-fast delivery. You’re patient and strong, waiting until you stumble home to order your food because you know it’s worth it. You have buckets of self-control as you strut right past all of those other inviting food places — you know what you’re about to have is going to be so much better. You’re probably the kind of person who proudly waves an American flag in front of your house, doesn’t get frustrated when commercials come on TV, and who walks past a puppy on College Green and just stares adoringly at it from afar instead of running up to it and petting it.
Insomnia Cookies — The Fun One
You’re fun-loving and a kid at heart. You know that you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission or climb up on any stools to get that warm, melty cookie that you’ve been fantasizing about since you walked past the sign on the way to J Bar. Nothing — including your mom, a high up shelf, impending dinner that would be spoiled, or even a horse cop — can come between you and your cookies. Well, maybe you should let that horse cop go first, just to be safe.
Jimmy John’s — The Speed Demon
You are a speed demon! Freaky-fast describes your life — you’re always the first one to class, you’re always speeding on the highway, and you’re always the first one to shake what your mama gave ya at the bars. Carbs and the semi-healthy nature of the subs that Jimmy John’s has to offer is the best part of your night — after all those Vegas Bombs. In fact, you’re practically begging for some of their delicious bread to soak up the liquor in your stomach.
So what did your favorite drunk food say about you? And more importantly, when are you going out next?